Philosophy.

Untitled.

2011-12-23T01:47:00.000+08:00

hello blog!
its been a long time since i blog, my life is kinda good and bad now.
Ori was very closed to me till she came back from hk and something happened and she is very busy.
Cof has been amazing as always and today was outreach.
But i went home wanting to cry but i didnt, (:
Went to the beach then met waynn for awhile.
Sometimes lifes get really hard and all i want to do is just give everything up.
But i have to learn to live stronger each day.
im very tired now and i have training tmr.
life sucks for now, i know it will be better soon.

I need to get back to track in my life.
Get used to people judging you and me loving God.
Many people comes and go in my life.
But i am certainly thankful for su an and sharifah.
this two awesome people that never fails to be there.

People have to know that joyce expects from me too.
Its not only me okay.

nvm, im just not okay now.

Untitled.

2011-10-18T01:18:00.000+08:00

This is my past, truthfully speaking, i miss them all, including su an.
Remember xueting constant scolding wanting me to do well, remember i have this 5 girls who was there for me through thick and thin.
Now what im left with?
My family, COF, Fatin, SuAn and Sharifah.
ITE has been such a mess, i somehow feel like dropping out and take private diploma and start working for my own life, get a degree and go on with my life, i need a new life.
its 1am now, i should be sleeping because i have school tmr at 10am.
Sometimes i just need assurance, but if i did that, im selfish, really.

Granny is doing physiotheraphy and after the maid is trained, she will be out already.
Im having a major headache almost everyday, its been super long since ive seen ori already.
Not only her, waynn too.

Ive just been spending time with my family, if not alone, if not with her.
Okay i think im gonna cover a song, upload it before i sleep.

untitled.

2011-10-17T04:51:00.001+08:00

My laptop blogger is not working so im just gonna blog with my phone.

So what i want to say today is, im happy.
Its my big brothers birthday and his celebration was amazing.
Kinda got closer to my family more, which is good. Learning to accept one another. Hmm.

Im actually very tired and im planning to find peace within myself. Sometimes i just feel that i have things more impt in my life to do.

Su an, ipah never fails to be there if i need them, i like.
I miss fatin, sharan so so much, sigh.
I really need to find peace within me soso badly.
I need to find back th reason why i first accept christ.

Ms rineal wedding reception was find on the saturday then went for cell and knew each other more. After dinner, reached home bathed and out for new balance run.
What a tired day man.
the event was quite good but got afew comments. Sigh.
Okay, got to sleep soon already. Goodnight.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

2011-10-12T01:26:00.001+08:00

I really really need peace inside me.
I dont know whats with all the nonsense that im thinking recently.
All i want to do now is just, stay focus.
I havent got enough sleep for myself and im like in a holiday mood still.
I should stop focusing on what i want and get what i need.
life just sucks abit more when bad things happen.
For all i know now, i can rely on no damn person to tell things to.
all i have is me and God.

I hate it when people just dont try hard enough to understand me, maybe i over care about people already, so its my issue.
I should stop bringing up the past, stop staring at people, stop having issues with people.
yah, when i dont even have that intention it the first place.

Screw me, screw everything. I just want everything to pass asap. No joke.
Im so not myself, i know no one is gonna ask why and who cares.
Goodbye.

Untitled.

2011-10-08T02:21:00.001+08:00

Hello.
Just a quick update.
ITESC competition, i got a silver.
I know basically i didnt make much effort but oh well, sigh. i really wanna win this.
Next year, im gonna win a doubles. I need a good double girls. Seriously, sigh.
I dont want to be a useless one, i want to win.

Tmr church, basically school started, not very good and thats bad.
No one to talk to, its okay, im quite used to it already.
Lifes pretty much like that.
Goodbye! :D

2011-10-02T02:43:00.000+08:00

Hello blog, its been exactly 10 days since i blog and seriously speaking, i really have plenty to talk about. (:
Firstly lets talk about F1, basically something happened between me and aza, sofea so we are not friends now. I was wrong to talk about them, sofea was wrong with the way she behave. Azhar was wrong trying to be on the top. So basically my F1 experience was actually really good except for all that that happened.

After last day of F1 stayed at ori's house till 5plus thought the rain will stop but didnt then rushed home and slept. Then i slacked with Kanishk and peeps for 2 or 3 days afternoon.
Wednesday had stamina training and my heart almost come out, it was so tiring, no joke then after that on that night went to fetch waynn at the airport with ori and he got me a cross necklace with a ring that represents halo. I love it, (:

Went home around 4 going 5 and slept the day through and slack.
Watch Modern Family Season 1 and 2 finish during this holiday plus Glee Season 3 2 new episode, New girl 2 episodes and counting. (:
Just gonna like chill and let everything be. Im still thinking whether should i work anot.
But i kinda like this week because i get to spend time with my family.

My big brother and meng e broke up and he kinda apologise to me.
I mean like seriously shocked but oh well its over.
Praise the lord that everything good is coming eh?

Im just kinda sad with my results like seriously?
GPA 1.611, all C and a D.
apparently, C is good and D is a pass. Sigh, i really need to buck up on semester 2.
After semester 2 everything is done you know, like fated to see whether i can go poly or not.
Idk lah, but i need to learn to save what i have and stop smoking.
I want to strive in badminton too. ):
I need to join a club or something to start training on it.

okay, now is 2.31am i went to have a break. haha.
So this week was just a chilled week, kinda good.

Friday i went out with joyce,
Cooked chicken chop for my family and joyce,
had lunch with her at my house, went to watch johnny english and marina square.
Walked to clark quay slowly, sit by the river side and met waynn and ori,
sit down and drink and chill, sent joyce home, supper with waynn and ori and went home.

Today, 1st Oct.
Happy Supposed to be 2nd year? (:
Wanted to like spend time with her on the 2nd year but i guess everything turned out haywire.
Maybe its seriously time to find a bestf, i need one man.
Well, i had a great day though.

School is starting and hopefully the new timetable is good, if its not also cannot say anything right anot? Sigh.
But monday school starts at 11am, which is kinda good?
I dont have to jam with people first thing in the morning, though it ends abit late but nevermind, its still fine.

My life is quite good now, nothing much to ask more right?
I think i need a makeover, ill do it when i have the money and time for it.
Okay, thats all i want to rant.
Goodbye blog. (:

2011-09-22T03:39:00.000+08:00

Hello Bloggy,
So on monday til wednesday, im suppose to go albert park for job interview, but woah, no one follow me there and im quite reluctant to go actually, sigh.
Its like going so far just to sign a contract, cant we meet somewhere earlier? seriously?
First badminton morning training, super tiring, played with people i never play before.
I realised i used strength at wrong timing and my foot work is horrible. ):
Friday im going jogging with them at east coast park, oh no.
1. i hate running.
2. i dont know how to go there.

So tmr, basically i have nothing much to do, but i hope i can get my butt to go to albert park and sign the stupid contract and get myself a job. I want to cut my hair and alter my long pants to 3/4 pants then can wear out. (:
And friday f1 starts and i have to sleep early so that i can have energy for the whole day till sunday is over.

I feel so sleepy already man, so basically my life has been good, nothing much to rant about.
Just like everyone is in their own world. Waynn's going auzzie, meet ori almost everyday.
I realised, when you are a bad drinker, or you dont drink, you dont really socialize with some people cuz they meet to drink. so its quite bad, but im quite cool with that.

In life, we just cant let things go our way. One thing for sure that im happy about is that im kinda walking to the whole badminton team already? and i think i need to train my footwork and the way i hold my racket in a doubles game.

I kinda cant wait for school to start, i want to get over higher nitec like asap so that i got better things to do in life. Sigh.
okay, gonna sleep soon. Goodnight.

2011-09-19T04:05:00.002+08:00

Hello bloggie, its going 4am.So im gonna rush my post and sleep.
Today i woke up and followed mom to see popo.
Looking at popo just tell me that, time dont wait for people.
Sigh, seeing her getting weaker and weaker each day.
After that went to see Big Aunt and chatted awhile, after that we left to AMK hub to buy sport bra.
Wah, triumph want so expensive, then no comfortable. Bought at world of sport, elle for $45.90 sia! -.-
It is super expensive lehh, please dont spoil. (:
Wanted to buy the mizuno one but too tight lehh, too bad.
I fat lah, so no choice.

After buying we get some light snacks and went to take mrt.
Mommy so funny, in the train there was these siren that went off, she thought what happen to the mrt, but guess what, it was just the iphone ringtone. haha!
That really made my day. I can feel myself closer to my family.
We rushed to downtown to meet daddy for dinner at Yam's Kitchen. Not bad lehh!
The food shiok uh, i like. Not that expensive also.

Daddy bought cup walker for me and jiajie and smoothie for himself. Saw sagiri working there too.
After that left home and met ori and kanishk to slack awhile.
Was having headache for the whole day, i have not enough sleep.
Im quite worried for my results suddenly lehh, ):

I think i type alot and very quickly. i took 5 mins to type till here continuously. (:
Okay its getting very wordie. who cares anyway.

Anyway, i want to start qt soon luhh. haiyo.
I thank God for everything that i have now, be it having to face problems with one or two of my classmates, having such lovely family around me and daddy treating me very nice. (:
I hope i can get a chalet for end year cell retreat, i believe it will be fun uhh. (:
Quite excited for it actually. (:
Okay lah, off i go to sleep.

Lord my saviour, thanks for teaching me to love as You love.
Your unfailing love, reaches to me and let me let go of whatever expectations i used to have with Joyce and my family. I learnt alot through this year, no matter what, i know You are here for me. Amen.

Untitled.

2011-09-18T04:46:00.002+08:00

Daddy and me, the only picture i took with him alone.
My daddy cute lah, he now addicted to tetris friends.

TAKE IT AS A SATURDAY STILL OKAY!
Hello blog, im actually very tired, but kinda unhappy to sleep? hahas.
its like 3:54am, jiajie is sleeping, waiting for me to blog finish to spent time with him.
Isnt he sweet at times? haha. (:

So my week was really busy?
Badminton trainings, results in lost of weight and tiredness and muscleaches. ):
Sometime happened to my close friend in ite? I only told like the frame of the story to sue ean during sharing? thats it? and told ori, but i want to tell someone which is not in my school, *looking around* nahh, found none to talk to.
So its okay, i kept alot of things to myself, Joyce actually wanted to spend time to chat etc, well, as usual we didnt do as planned and well, she went home.

Today's preach was quite meaningful to me and word from kristie?
The only song the make me feel something today was at the foot of the cross.
Today's preach was about people who preach the wrong thing and add their human standard infront of God's standard.
I learnt that God didnt restrict us to do the things we want, right? We are allowed to drink, just that we are not of aged. What about smoking? tattoo?
I told my friend about it, she said "so your God let you guys love whole heartedly so you guys are free to love included same sex right?" then i dont know how to answer lehh. but i just told her it is wrong, cuz God made man and woman to love each other.

And today what Kristie said in cell was what ive been saying to Joyce.
So i can totally understand what kristie was trying to say.
The more love you give, the more you expect. This is human aspect in life.
There is no free lunch, there is no free love.
The more you love the person, the more you want the person you love you back.
You made the choice to love, you pay for the price and when you expect doesnt mean you will get, but you trusted that you will.

Life is just so weird right, like you will never know what is to come and you can never follow the plan of your life smoothly cuz anything can happen anytime.
I begin to start loving all those people who i didnt wanted to care, making small steps.
I really want to start quiet time, i realised the bible i never even touch like that. sigh.
Oh well, life is so scary uhhh.

F1 on weekends, so i cannot be so tired and need to chill.
Im still thinking should i come to work on monday or just work at cinta manis.
At my age, i already need money to socialize with people, its that bad man.

You dont work, no money socialize, go and die man.
Im already thinking of a bbq for COF, i book the chalet they pay the food.
But they want to socialize with the sec 3 guys. I dont want lah.
In church i can feel people fighting against each other to be on the top.
I thought this church was different, atleast i know COF was not a wrong choice i made and Christ too.
Well, i guess i should not be so involved in Church related stuff.

I want peace in me, so competitive in church, school, badminton. sigh.
Oh well, i finished ranting.
I should stop typing cuz im really tired.
Goodnight bloggy. (:

2011-09-16T01:54:00.000+08:00

Hello blog, im really tired and i need to be up at 9 to get ready! AHHHH! ):
Got alot of things to bring tmr, its like a super duper long day.
But the best thing is, next day will be saturday! yay! :D
But im like super the tired uhhhh! Gosh.
Im gonna jiayou for training and everything!
everything will be okay tmr.
Goodnight.

IM OKAY! ill STAY OKAY!

2011-09-14T03:37:00.001+08:00

Dear Blog,
Oh no, its already 3:32am and im going to blog before i sleep.
Daddy is upset that ive been going home late, ):
Sorry daddy, i wont do it next time.

Im very upset, why? because of many different things that are happening in my life now.
But before i say anything, i show talk about what happened today.
So today i promised Kanishk and clique to meet them today, so i woke up at 2pm and quickly get ready and met them, chatted and talk.
Around 5 plus, Kanishk and me headed to WS then we chatted, i had dinner and then i left for bugis to Qam Mopikong's house and went to watch glee after then. Then home with Nad and Alif in bus 12.

On a happy note, i kinda had a good long talk with Kanishk, and knew alot of things, i dont believe that he is lying because i can feel it. Oh well, if he is then too bad for me.
Another happy thing is I WATCH GLEE 3D ! :D WOO HOO! i actually screamed in the theatres, i thought its a really concert, sorry guys! :D

I was unhappy with Badminton and Guides, sigh.
No one called me back for guides you know? Serious why the fuck no one calles me back for guides?
Im super pissed off man, like wth? Cant you just sms me, tmr there is guides and what are they doing? -.- Seriously that hard? Sometimes i think to myself, do i have to be there? all i do is nothing? fuck all this shit.
Badminton people are seriously so competitive, im here just to play not to win.
I play badminton for passion not to win like seriously. I wanted to join badminton to enjoy it and play. Not to show off the skills and be a loner there. Its not what I wanted.

Life is not going the way it seems, but sometimes i need to let go of everything that i used to have.
But seriously, im so freaking hurt by guides lah! -.-
It meant so much for me and now everything just boom, shattered.

And its been 2 days, i know you are not feeling the same way. (:
Why am i sleeping so late everytime?
So that i wont think of anything and fall asleep.
Im done here tonight.
I hope im not here tmr to rant about how unhappy i am in Badminton training.
Goodnight.

untitled

2011-09-13T02:25:00.000+08:00

Hello Blog,
I just came back an hour ago from Jalan Raya with IXA.
Truthfully speaking, it was really a fun and great time with my classmates.Hopefully things stays the same till the end of the my Higher Nitec life.

1st Semester has went off smoothly, 1 and a half more years, hopefully i can do it.Went to many west side places, take 4 times cab today man, gosh their places are like so super far apart !But overall it was good, an hour ride home from lake side to like pasir ris and bus ride was only me and alif. Naise.

Tomorrow gonna visit one house and i remembered i have to meet kanishk tmr with his clique.Suddenly he called me to me, shocking enough.
Going to meet them tmr then to bugis to go mopikong's house and maybe im gonna catch a movie with them?See how everything goes tmr uhhh.
Wanted to have quiet time but gosh, i am so tired right now.I think after this post im going to sleep and see what time i wake up tmr.
Overall, today was a great busy and tired day.

Im getting quiet upset with you and your late coming home.Although i went home late when i was sec 3, it was either with you or chalet.I dont go out on weekdays till late night.
Coming home late and not being at home is a bad thing, i cant force you but oh well.One day you will regret because you will get further and further away from your family and by that time,it will take a really long time to get back together, how do i know?When through it and got over it.
Who am i to have a say to anything that you are doing? Nothing.
Saying it to you will just create more havoc in the future.
I know you no longer read my blog or maybe once in a blue moon, but im sorry but i have to rant it here.

Ori have been a really great friend to me, sharing my problems with her makes me so relieved sometimes.She get what im trying to say, i get her problems too. Although we drink and etc, other than that she is a really good companion.

Life has been good and i really thank God for that.My life has been going fine, with God around, IXA, Ori and Sharifah, Su An which will 24/7 with be there for me.And also COF, i never had problems with them, which is a really good thing.
All of them are so special to me in my life, I appreciate them and is really greatful to have them in my life.Im contented and wouldnt want to ask anything more.
Although many things have been going through in my life, all that i ask for now is a smooth and steady year going by and overcoming nonsense in life smoothly.

Although im still not over you, i wish for all the best in everything you do.
And i know, if im not your ex, you wouldnt care about me at all.
Although i understand and try to know you more, you never try to know me anymore.
Thats the end of us and the beginning of you and me.

With all this i'll end now,f-jiamin.

2011-09-11T02:42:00.000+08:00

When its time to let go, you have to let go.When its time to stop, you have to stop.I need time for myself, i need to clear from every distraction that i can have.I need to find peace in me, and through Jesus i can.I need to let go of what im holding on dearly and set it free.I need to find who i really am before i start helping other people.Sin is the biggest thing that everyone do it life.In my life, i do sins that i know they are.I lost people who i have so dearly, now i have to push people that i hold on too tight.I lost i gain, even if i dont, life goes on.

Untitled.

2011-09-10T02:23:00.000+08:00

Hello Blog, im here to blog again. Its 2:06am and im still awake and i have playmax to help out tmr.Guess what, im really tired today.Playmax was really enjoyable and i hope my younger brother can understand what is preached and enjoy himself too.May God let him receive You. Amen.Had dinner and the day just had to spoil like that, sigh.I didnt expect you to leave but oh well, saw syahin right?Good that you saw her, (: Its good that you have saw her, if you have waited for me you wouldnt have see her.Ive done a good deed again.I sacrifice myself for other people's happiness like what You did for us.Today is Kristie's birthday, it will definitely be another super long day, i just hope God will give me the strength i need later.May everything be smooth and it'll be a happy day. I dont want to end it with unhappiness.I think i pissed hillary off today. I hope not though.I dont understand why people think that im pissed off when im not, i just fine it unfair so ill raise abit of my voice, but im still cool you know. People need to know more about me.And when i get irritated or angry, i just keep cursing. -.-Haiya, i need to stop. So far, improvement made, i dont curse anyhow already.I am really thankful for ori being there for me. although i drank a bottle of beer, i was still fine enough to tell her whats upsetting me. And i guess some parts of our life are related.Oh well, i probably wont get to say to mira anything else anymore. I think im gonna write this and sing a song before i sleep.Dear Mira, i dont know if you still read my blog, but if you get to see this i dont think you will come and message me.Its coming 8years of our friendship and guess what, we are still contacting each other.I dont know why, but everytime i have problems i will want to come to you, but everytime i want to do that, ill remember we are no longer having the connection we used to have. People keep saying i like you, but i dont.Its just this bestf thing have stick with me for 8 years and i just cant stop like this instant.So far, i cant find someone which have almost the same character with you.I think i need someone similar to you man, if not i guess i would change a bestf at all.i think i miss you alot as a bestf, but the connection will never be there anymore from you.Ill take it. really.Goodbye blog.

2011-09-04T01:45:00.002+08:00

Hello people, so hows life?

I know lah, not much people read my blog.

So recently, my family went bintan and i was home alone.

Worse part of it is i had fever and overdose panadol and lost my tastebud for afew days.

Now i think its back cuz im eating yoghurt with flavour. :D

Anyway people, see that pic? only you all can see okay, cute right? i know.

So life how?

I got over her and im happy with who i am now.

Probably though i dont have the habit to do quiet time, i worship God everyday.

Not long lah, but still i take that as my daily habit.

Ive been wanting to read about acts since sword exchange, oh well ill do it after my exams.

Im happy, why?

I cleared everything with Joyce, my daddy is talking to me.

First time daddy started a conversation with me.

Daddy went to do his teeth then wait for him lor, not a wrong idea to follow him. (:

Then went the IT fair with him, daddy bought this motorola wireless earpiece for me.

Went to checked it out, online only $80 lehh, but nevermind la!

Daddy buy so im happy about it. (:

Hope it can last me long time, daddy bought it confirm cuz he feel bad leaving me at home alone.

But oh well, im happy lah!

Daddy will ask where am i if im not home somemore, he dotes me lah.

He asking me go overseas for uni lehh, but i dont have the money to do that.

Im not ready to do that too, so ill think about it after diploma then.

Who knows ill sign bond with someone right? (:

So life has been good so far.

Tmr need to start mugging for BZE then RPP then WORK!

i want to safe money for shopping and also im thinking of planning an activity for COF end of year. oh well, (:

Goodbye bloggie.

Hope next time i blog will be a good thing.

Untitled.

2011-08-28T18:58:00.002+08:00

Currently im home alone, so practically they went out without me knowing and i had to like all and ask them where are they. HELLO? Im your daughter for goodness sake. -.-

Dont just leave be alone at home like that and i have nothing except maggie to eat. -.-

If like that i rather work everyday and you guys dont have to support me right.

Everytime like that fun ah. -.-

Currently listening to jay chou song, havent on any lights at home, just came home from Tamp.

I have school like tmr sia. -.- Dont know go school do what also, wth man.

Gonna have interview tmr for work, then meeting sue ean and at night? rest.

Tuesday gonna go back eatzi to work. So long never work already sia.

Wonder how everyone is.

Today i saw mf at mos burger, wow it turns me off totally. i dont know why, but i know if i go and say hi to joyce and get closer in distance with mf, ill end up punching her face and giving her a hard stare.

So i turned and just walked off. Good Job.

I dont feel good uh, feeling unappreciatted sometimes.

Oh well, gonna finish up my report and go sleep early.

Ciaos.

Untitled.

2011-08-25T01:09:00.002+08:00

This world is so scary.

Although im in the school team, im not happy at all.

I came to learn not to be listed.

If thats the case, i should have just not join a cca right?

Wasting my time. Im in freaking team two, and its obvious i cant play well.

I mean like, serious. If you have them already, why choose me. -.-

I hate it.

School? Whats school? make me feel like not coming only.

Im practically doing nothing in school.

Need to studystudystudy. Then best dont go school study week right?

But Mr Edwin made my day on tuesday by telling me that Mr Jeyk was looking for me during the interview.

It feels good to be wanted by a teacher you know?

But who cares, sigh.

Himalayas trip for 2 weeks, who dont want to go right? Sigh.

I dont know i just hope i can enjoy the trip if im able to go.

My eyes are very dry, not enough sleep.

Cant wait for sat.

I need to meet ori tmr night, i need to meet the person for interview tmr too.

No school but f1 briefing at simei ite. 1 to 4.30pm.

Ill not go if jermaine they all want to go out.

Ill see how it goes, lifes really boring the shit hell out of me.

Untitled.

2011-08-20T23:01:00.002+08:00

Hi blog,

I dont know what im feeling now, but i dont think i feel very good? haha.

I dont feel alone because i know cof will be there.

But there's just something missing. I dont know, i really dont know.

I have things to do, but i just feel so something.

I dont know, ever since today's preach, i dont know whats going on in my life anymore.

Do I exist in people's life, or im just a passer by?

I dont know how things will be in the future, but for all i hope now is that life will be better and i will carry on with life.

Holiday's are coming. I dont think my parents are giving me money, how the hell will i find money? Gosh.

I hate it when daddy dont give me money, its really bad.

And im jobless. Sigh.

And studies, i dont think im even good enough to like, pass BZE and my CMB is horrible.

And i heard of this OFA project. -.-

What the hell lah. -.- Its like really bullshit.

I should stop. Goodbye.

although i wont have any text from you from now, ill just move on.

You dont need me anymore, oh well.

Untitled.

2011-08-18T18:35:00.002+08:00

hello blog,

im home alone, so im gonna blog.

Today i went to school late and releast 1.5 hours later. -.-

Suppose to end school at 5 today but ended at 10.

Went to eat with Lava, Cordelia, Shati and Xiao Shi at KFC.

Went to Cerebral Palsy Centre to look at the kids with Lava, Abby.

The kids are really innocent, God bless them. (:

Really want to go and help out during my free time.

Met Naveen, Bervyn, YingJie and slacked awhile, chatted.

And there goes my day.

No one's at home currently. Mom called to go Downtown, but nahh. Its okay.

Tmr badminton training again, then W&I at church tmr, tiring day. Oh well.

I think im going to eat dinner alone.

Im kinda used to life now, but its kinda boring.

I hope i dont fall for someone else now. Really.

Great I Am is my everyday song now. Need to hear it like atleast 3-4 times.

And im going to Hillary's tumblr to make myself laugh abit.

Okay, goodbye. (:

Untitled.

2011-08-17T02:30:00.003+08:00

Its 2.30am already.

Currently, i dont know what am i feeling. Feel like laughing, smiling, crying.

So many things happening in this instance, sometimes just feel like killing yourself, dont you agree too?

Since afew months ago, i lost someone lovely in my life, but yet i have to see her every week.

Looking at her message other people, like wow.

I have to accept the fact that im already her past its no longer coming back.

And this is the time, you only think of God.

Think that God will make a way out for me, but i am not obey his orders.

Sometimes i just feel like kneeling down and seek for his forgiveness.

Sometimes i just dont feel right doing all the things i do.

I dont know who to really turn to if im in need of help.

But when i turn around me, in the end i dont really have a clique.

Only in school, thats all.

What if in the middle of the night i need a friend? who will be there?

Mira is always with her own life, im like such an extra in her life.

Joyce is busy with her life, syahin, jermaine and seb.

I really miss Fatin's presence. Really.

Sometimes, what you have missed is what you really yearn for.

I really pray, everything will be okay.

I think i need to stop thinking about things which will hurt myself.

I have a mock exam in 7 hours time, yet im here blogging.

Blog is the only thing i can do now.

I should stop, goodbye.

Untitled.

2011-08-16T22:48:00.002+08:00

In life, there are freaking alot of ups and downs.

Many people will come and go.

What im saying now will be a reflection to myself in life.

I have learnt to be alone and believe that God will be with me 24/7.

This two years i have been loving someone that i shouldnt be loving,

but for this two years, i have never regretted.

Because everything that i have done was true and all this will leave as a memory.

One day if i happen to walk past all the places again, ill smile and say i have left good memories here in my life.

In this two years, i have met Christ. And through Christ, i indeed learnt alot.

I have Circle of Faith in my life and i feel that i will never be alone.

Im done talking, need to study soon.

untitled.

2011-08-15T17:09:00.001+08:00

What i want is wht you will never give.
You stopped trying, you dont care as much anymore.
I let you go first, thats why im losing you now.
Everything wont turn out like that unless i didnt do anything about it.
Its all my fault.
I cannot keep telling you imissyou because even when we are okay, we will never be the same shazi and benzi again.
I should stop crying.

Going to have dinner with fatin, mary and ruzaidee! Hopefully it wil be good.
Ciaos.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Untitled.

2011-08-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

Hello Blog, reason im blogging now is because i can no longer find peace in my head. And i may talk to Lava about things but about love, friendship, i dont think i could be telling him all this, i think he might not want to hear a girl rant too.

So i used to have my big brother with me to talk, but he is busy with his life, so actually we only meet to smoke and he has to go. Thats all.

And you, im feeling kinda weird of you talking about a guy to me? Normally is you talking about me. I guess everything between be and you has really officially came to an end, partially for God, partially for him. Although it till hurts a tiny bit that you are leaving, but im happy you are liking a guy and slowly im going to turn myself to a rebound be it a girl or a guy. But i think im kinda over you but its REALLY awkward treating you like a friend only. Oh well, im good. (:

I need to change all my passwords already, haha.

So today i went back home like at, 8.15pm and mommy cooked crab! :D

So we were chatting while eating, daddy was reconfirming with me if i want to go to austrailia to study, but i told him ill think about it again, haha.

Daddy say we are all lazy, but we have to come to a point to do the things we need to do.

Daddy also say we like to assume, he told us in life its really bad to assume.

Its really a good feeling to talk to my family on the dining table, knowing that they will be there no matter what.

Oh well, life goes on.
Things in class? nothing much to say. Busy with my RPP project and tmr is the presentation! oh no, hopefully it will be good.

Next week OFA! :(

Wahh, i damn emo sia, i need to stop. I need to live my life happily.

I dont need love to survive. i need to stand strong alone.

Sigh.

Im going to do my ppt awhile, after that im going to sleep.

I need to repent, but im not doing it.

Im smoking like a smoke machine, i could stop but my heart is not working.

Im good. Goodnight blog.

Untitled.

2011-08-02T00:08:00.003+08:00

Gonna take out sometime from my sleep to blog.

So class have been fine, well i learnt to like step back at the correct timing uh.

Its impossible to be liked by everyone but im thankful for Lava, Cordelia and Rebecca, they are like really the best. Sofea and Aza also like the same uhh, very nice to me.

I think this is enough for me. I really like it.

Now like busy with presentations and dateline of the schoolwork.

Next week will be my first exam already and alot of events is coming up.

Very busy and its not a good thing. Pfft.

So tmr is tuesday, another short day and i better rmb to get enough rest!

I dont think anything much will happen in the month of fasting because people are seeking for forgiveness.

But does bitching about another person already break fast? Nahh its okay none of my business too.

All i know is i have enough friends to survive and i need to get used to things that are happening around. Oh well, im cool.

Goodnight.

Untitled.

2011-07-29T13:09:00.003+08:00

Hello, today is a friday, im gonna head to my ex school in less than an hour time.

So NDP training today hope nothing bad will happen and it will end happily.

So im quite restless now, lazy to do my presentations and ill be meeting ori and gang to chill at prp at night.

NO MONEY LEHH ! ):

Sigh, i feel so emotional recently. i really need to like chill. seriously.

Cool, i should stop. byebye.

Untitled.

2011-07-28T21:27:00.002+08:00

Hello, tomorrow is friday and i have no school. :D

So im here to update my week which ended and left weekend's for me.

So for the pass 3 days i have been going home with Ori and told her alot of things.

Lava have been really nice and understanding and for that, i really have to thank her for everything that he have done for me.

And ive been doing plenty of sinful things and spending money like nobody business.

I know its a bad thing.

I didnt know that afew of them have betrayed me, but ive forget a point i have learnt in secondary school, you will never know what the other party is thinking so you always need to becareful.

Im really glad that everything is over and really hope nothing much will happen.

Really thankful rebecca and cordelia, lava will be there to back to up like always.

And im thankful for all the classmates that cared and understand.

For all i know, im happy with whatever is around here.

What i just hope that is nothing will happen, its really not nice to hear about it.

I have project due next week and my weekends are used up by events coming up.

Friday i need to go back to ex school for NDP training, at night i hope ill be awake enough to do work.

Saturday, i have F1 contract signing till 4pm and i really hope it ends early because i can go to church.

Sunday, i have swimming event to help out from 12 to 4pm. i hope it will be interesting.

I havent been spending time with COF and i hope like ill just pull back to be bonded with them uh. The badminton trip we wanted to go havent go yet, sigh.

Radical is coming, FOP is coming. im still asking my class if they want to go PLAYmax.

AND MY EXAMS ARE COMING LAH! Jialat.!

2 weeks later ill start on my final exams already, its THAT FAST SIA! -.-

Everything between me and you, haha.

its like everything is GONE. Who am i to you? i always ask myself.

Are you trying to hard or you didnt try at all?

if you are not making any effort to stay as friends, why should i even do that?

My life have be good and bad.

But oh well, life goes on.

No point pin pointing because in the first place it is wrong to pin point already.

Alright, goodbye blog.

Untitled.

2011-07-27T21:16:00.004+08:00

im having problems in class.

i hope it is solved.

but all i know is there are afew people who will stand by be always.

now i know who is against me and not.

now i know when should i fight and when should i not.

and from last time till now, when im angry i still spill out things i shouldnt say.

i just wish things will get better. thats it.

goodbye.

all i know is, i was being really nice.

God is there, COF is there.

Goodbye.

Untitled.

2011-07-26T22:18:00.003+08:00

hello blog, its been a long time since i blogged.

Well life hasnt been really good recently, and i have plenty to do but not much time to do.

I really wanted to bond with my class but something just have to happen. sigh.

But oh well, God will be with me, thats all i know.

For all i know, it will be another day i cant sleep, i need to do work.

Rush finish ppt, i think i can do it.

even if i cant, i have to.

May my everyday be fruitful.

Amen.

Untitled.

2011-07-06T02:38:00.002+08:00

Hello!

Im kinda in like a no mood kinda period.

Netball championship makes me super sleepy at home, im not asleep and im meeting mira early in the morning tmr. Baik uh.

I think i'll take bus 70 to Kallang indoor stadium tmr if im early at YCK uh.

Im tired sehh. But doesnt matter lah. (:

So I've been bitching alot man, like ALOT. -.-

I dont like it, i need to be low profile and stop bitching about things i know. -.-

I should like STOP. Sigh.

But most of them look trustable luhhh, SO HOPEFULLY it is.

Tomorrow netball championship, doing the same thing, so i think everything would be find luhh. (:

Went back to school for Guides and realised that, so many of them have thing on on a tuesday.

BUT on a happy note, Renu opened her mouth and voice out, YES! :D

Jermaine's the new CL yoyoyo! Im super happy about it uh.

Alot of them dont dare to voice out luhh, so yahh.

Met Jeanette and Chloe uh, so kinda happy day ytd.

Met waynn late at night to chat awhile, mummy waited for me to come back! so nice of her.

And YOU!

Waited for me, hehe i didnt expected that! :D

THanksthanks. (:

So im getting excited from netball, can you imagine? haha.

Australia or New Zealand is going to get first man.

They are trashing all their opponents. hahas.

Oh well, got to sleep!

On a side note,

i kinda dont feel good recently, maybe im starting to think uh, so its horrible!

Oh well, goodnight.

Untitled.

2011-07-04T23:34:00.001+08:00

Hello blog,

Netball Championship was kinda awesome uh!

Just that firstday i wasted my morning uh, should have slept away uh.

Today Austrailia and New Zealand was super good in netball!

Their team was the best two.

Im going to skip it tmr because of Guides.

Ms Rineal and Ms Michelle didnt plan anything, so theres nothing much lehh.

So yahh, kinda horrible.

Im so tired everyday and spending money.

I dont like the feeling uh! -.-

I feel like watching movie lehh. Sian.

I hate being sacarstic uh, but im like that when im angry.

things dont always go smoothly. hopefully it will be alright.

anyway, life have been good lah, so nothing to think about.

But school reopening soon, so chaos! :D

Untitled.

2011-07-02T23:01:00.002+08:00

Hello Blog.

Once again im here to post.

Im going to sleep soon because i lack of sleep, got to wake up at latest 7.15 tmr.

Have to leave before 7.45 latest, its horrible.

Sword Exchange was today, first time participating, loved the last part.

Should have studied actually. I think when hillary summarize afew things, i kinda understand more? Kinda make me want to read about and understand more about Acts.

We should summarize and talk about it infront of everyone. haha.

Jeffrey talked to me today, asked me how long im in bbtc, to think about it, its going to be 2 years already, thats fast uh.

Sharifah is very upset or disappointed that i havent quit.

Thought i stop buying, i still smoke when people give.

Even my mom is stopping me. haha.

I need to kick this addiction, how i wish i have quiet time for myself, sigh.

Its been so long i spend time with God, except praying.

I need to find time. ):

COL was yesterday, it was quite nice.

Took some pretty nice pictures. I need to like, but a shirt which is my size and use it for formal events. If not ill use people's and its bigger for me, which is not good.

So Netball championship starts tmr, i need to start losing weight again!

Im afraid i cant make it to church because of Netball championship.

Need to remind myself to go tell the person that i cant make it tmr.

And im kinda getting disgusted with afew people in my class.

I would stop talking about them before it is too obvious. (:

Im cool, im tired.

Need to sleep soon. Goodnight.

Untitled.

2011-06-29T03:27:00.001+08:00

hello blog, its been like 2 or 3 weeks since i blog eh?

I came back from my holiday's and its going to pass a week already.

My cell group has expanded to 11 people, did i tell you that?

Its quite alot of people with super different kind of attitude.

But oh well, actually im kinda cool with it uh.

Just dont let me know if you have a intention, i dont like.

And i have a friend who is going up to my nerves with the way the person talks.

But im keeping myself cool and just let it be.

I suppose to sleep just now. But dont know suddenly saw my china trip pictures, got like 1.5k plus photos. So i choose like 50? to upload only.

So now while waiting to upload finish, im going to blog.

On thursday, im going to have the first IXA bbq at pasir ris park.

So first time im going to overnight with my class people. I do hope it will be great.

I really hope just nothing will happen.

And i paid off my HSA fine. Thank God for this.

Daily ive been praying. Hoping to hear more from God.

I hope it works.

1st July, 40 day fast, i can do it. :D

Sec School NDP coming up, co- in charge of it. only girl somemore.

School is reopening and netbal championship is coming up!

So im going to be busy from next week onwards.

Shall go and sleep soon.

Goodnight blog! :D

OHOH!

Want to blog abit about the trip.

We thought that we were leaving to kunmin on 20.

When we packed everthing, we were suppose to leave to kunmin on 21st!

haha, stupid us.

Then i fell into the dirty pong because it was very dark.
We walk like 1hour plus to go out, and 1 hour plus to come back. So its kinda a walking trip.

Its real cool.

Meng e birthday was on saturday.

Kinda regret going, should have stayed with COF. sigh.

I miss spending time with them.

Goodbye blog.

Untitled.

2011-06-23T05:12:00.002+08:00

I got my HSA letter.
The thought of resting completely cleared my fucking mind.
$80. I fucking give government money again.
I thought you wont come, why you come? for fuck??!

I was happy and tired to come back from the trip, now?
I need to work and i dont want to work, now no one can support me, why?
Daddy dont give me money when its holiday and mom is not working now.
Bullshit.
thanks. -.-

Untitled.

2011-06-08T10:44:00.002+08:00

Hello blog, im currently in school having BZE.
So basically everyone is getting ready for CMB while my group?
Some of them studying BZE and me? Blogging.
I guess i shouldnt go find out more information of osama already, i mean i think the more i find information about it, the more i will want to talk about.
Ill just stay with my plan and ill just do what we have planned.

I abit scared about CMB which we only have one chance to speak and talk about it. I hope i will do well cuz it is part of the 50% which im going to have for my marks.

So after CMB, tmr BZE and there is no more test for the semester! and school on monday and tuesday, after that im off to China for 7days yo!
After that there will be Chalet and outings coming up next.
Then soon there will be netball championship and my holidays will end. Will try my best to keep working and get money so that i can save.
Hope thing will get better.

Im super tired and restless to do anything now. Cant wait to go home but i need to study luhh. Sigh. Okay then, shall go to the toilet now, good day.

Untitled.

2011-06-07T00:50:00.002+08:00

Hello blog, life is not much of what i have expected recently i guess?

So today, i had my first written test in ITE and seriously, my mind completely went blank and all the things i studied, all came out in MCQ only and the short answer, all wrong. ):

When i come out of the room, i was feeling super duper horrible.

Its like a super horrible feeling that i really hate so much.

Its really something that i studied and put on hopes to get good marks and now?

Everything is going down to the drain. Life is being a jerk now.

I studied and is this what I am getting?

I am seriously reluctant to study for BZE test on thursday.

And for thursday, is everybody going?

Im not sure if i can celebrate sharifah's birthday and also i have work till 2am on that day.
I dont think im celebrating with her on 9th June, Sigh.

I am in super huge pressure and i cant cope with it.

With work, studies and the China trip coming up, my goodness.

How to cope everything?

You know what im afraid? I wont get much pay on the first for both jobs. So im trying my best to earn as much as I can.

Im not like some people i know, can afford many things which i cant.

Im trying to cut down and workworkwork and earn.

I really want to save money and stop working, but it is impossible why?

I have to pay for many things which i cant afford to pay by this month.

I really owe veryvery long already. I scared they will come and ask anytime.

I cutted down on my food, hungry also dont care.

Save money, everytime eat one meal for brunch and wait until dinner then eat.

Stop buying things for myself.

I have stop being jealous and unhappy of things i shouldnt.

But sometimes you just have this uncertainty that anyone around you will just leave you,

like those who are close to you for a long time?

And because of the fact that i try to change the fact that it is a fact.

I think i will wake up abit earlier tmr or something.

Im so stressed up and get tensed so easily, sigh.

I hope i get peace upon myself.

God, please me by my side.

Let the holy spirit come.

Amen.

Untitled.

2011-06-02T23:39:00.002+08:00

Hello blog,

Im back from my Girl Guides Camp! So i didnt went to school on thursday, sigh.

So basically things was going way too well.

Knew much more about ms rineal's complicated life and mr raz teaching me 3 important things in life, Tolerance, Initiative and i thing attitude, i forget the last one lah! haiyo.

I learned alot in the camp uh, i know how to tie knots, im so happy about it.

Like i accomplished alot of thing in the 2 days 1 night camp.

So i didnt went to SAF either cuz mama dont let mah, so forget it lorh.

So im going to rest after i blog then wake up earlier to clear up all my bags and go to school for OFA exam at 12.45pm uh.

And after talking to the sec 2's, i realised i dislike alot of people uh, i bitchbitch then complain, jialat la sia! Can die bodoh, haha. I need to stop and rewind the past which are super bad uh.

Alright, sleeping now.

God, i kinda need your help.

I seems to lost the peace in me that i always have.

And i need to maintain the peace in me before any much of the things happens.

Im so tired sometimes, i need your help up.

Amen.

Untitled.

2011-05-30T22:52:00.002+08:00

Hello blog,

I actually told myself to sleep at 10.30pm.

But i didnt receive any message from a friend of mine.

The phone is engaged and we were supposed to talk on the phone.

Mira also never reply me, suppose to meet her for breakfast tmr, now idk whether am i still meeting her or not.

Tmr end school at 1.15pm nothin much to look forward for until SAF starts.

Then going to get paid, shiok.

1st getting pay, but need to pay for my overdued camp fees. overdued loan.

Hopefully there is enough money for myself till the end of the month.

Monday is my RPP test, Friday is my OFA test, Next Friday is my BZE test.

I need to do my proposal asap.

My whole week is freaking planned out. Sigh.

I dont like myself being so busy. Im so tired. ):

I want to spend time with friends also cannot.

But i met waynn just now.

Long day man. I think im gonna sleep soon, goodnight.

Father,

i pray that i will have the strength for the rest of the week, work hard in my modules and be happy. Amen.

Untitled.

2011-05-29T01:59:00.003+08:00

Here to update about my life before i sleep, WORK FULL DAY TMR! -.-

But im happy to see fatin tmr. Gonna bring BZE or RPP to study tmr. Dont waste time mah.

Today went to church, kinda happy to celebrate Hillary's birthday.

Dinner with Joyce, Rhesa, XinXuan and Xiu Mei.

Not bad lah, went home after that.

Im kinda cool with things now.

School have been just fine, just hanging around with people whom im comfortable with.

They are very nice people and i got a project to do on monday.

So should sleep early tmr!

After work, GO HOME AND SLEEP!

I hope i will do it. haha.

RPP also need to do ah! -.-

I think i need to do it tmr.

Haiyo, always last minute, damn jialat uh. -.-

Nevermind, i need to start to nuture my feeling with the holy spirit.

Goodbye blog.

2011-05-25T22:45:00.002+08:00

Although how hurt i may be,

I'll not show you ill not show anyone.

School sucks, no one to talk to suck much more.

Tell me you'll be here?

All you do is sorry, im not good enough for you and not, are you okay? you want to talk?

and i cant expect myself to pour myself out to mira only when i need her.

Im not like you.

School got new project. Current project, still not very good, i really hate redo-ing. but i want to do well. I am not sleeping today, im feeling super nausious.

Goodbye.

God, save me.

Untitled.

2011-05-23T22:53:00.002+08:00

hello blog!

It has been more than a week since i didnt blog.

Life has been the same, just that i had a few problems with afew classmates in class.

Well, i still have to face them for my projects so truthfully speaking i have to bare with it right?

They are okay lah, i should just be fine and normal lorh.

Class has been usual, tmr will be my listening test for CMB then it will be OFA on 3rd june, so must jiayou and do properly. I kinda dont expect myself to get a C only this time. I really want to do well so i need extra time to do all this.

So in the mean time, i have to like work lesser and study more right?

RPP deadline coming up, so i'll add on speed towards what i am doing.

Its kinda 80% done uh, just that need to brush up abit and do here and there abit lorh.

Tmr show teacher about it and see how.

Hopefully tmr end fast so that i can go back school for cca and then rush to city hall for the SAF.

I need the $12 to survive for my allowance, if not i wont have money for the rest of the week and its not a good idea yeahh.

Tmr will be a long day, wednesday, thursday also cuz end already straight away go SAF again mah. But dont know whether aza they all got go, if they go i go. But definitely i cant make it on friday cuz after School Team training got to go and work.

Saturday will be church and Sunday i'll do some work before i go work. So basically this will be my week, tired but still can make it.

Got to start study BZE and RPP already.

I want to do well and go holiday peacefully lehh.

And i need to start saving money, so need to find out what can i eat so that i wont spend money, must be smart. Im happy im still young, so i can do abit more things uh. (:

Okay, should touch up on RPP project and go sleep by 12. (:

Goodnight.

And although i have no time for quiet time, i hope by praying, God still knows that im here.

Amen.

I love COF and hope we will be strong together, they just give me hope in life.

Im afraid to see people who dislike me, cuz i dont like it, but i hope everything will be alright.

Sigh.

untitled.

2011-05-09T02:04:00.001+08:00

Hello, im blogging with my phone for the first time. I think if im comfortable with this, ill stop using laptop sia. Haha. Kay, need to wake up in 4hours time. Goodnight!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

untitled.

2011-05-09T00:55:00.003+08:00

Hello blog, brother woke up, so now we are in the aircon room doing shuffling. nonsense.
Work was as tiring like usual, tuesday and friday working.
Should be can spend time with people.
Dont know what ill be doing tmr after school, but ill just go home after school and do proposal or something. Chill at home.

Gonna go bath soon. chaos!

Untitled.

2011-05-08T14:58:00.003+08:00

Hello blog, i realised i didnt update my blog for a week! my goodness.
I'll roughly just type what had going on for the week.

Monday was a labour's day holiday, so i went to work at night and pretty much did nothing for the day.
Tuesday was just practically school and went home and slept. If im not wrong i met waynn, im not sure but i think so. hahah.
Wednesday was school till 5, then go see victor all play badminton with cordelia then at 7 i went to Guides house to talk to Jan the guider from australia.
Went home and slept.
Thursday i met Su An and Sharifah, (:
Went to nex to eat at one place, not bad uh the food. The fries also, nice!
Friday i have no school, so met joyce and went to eat tea time buffet, saw my brother and we left to my house.
Studied and have dinner, she went home.

Saturday i went to church, but left after service cuz i had to work.
If i didnt went to work, there is only siti, cindy and the 3 managers.
How can they work, it was freaking full house sia. My goodness.
Joyce and Vania came to find me and say hi, they waited to say bye, but i was freaking busy man.

Today, i slept til 2 sia, suppose have woken at 11. But nevermind.
So suppose to be a rest day today, but alice called me to work tmr.
Today got alot people, mothers day, should be cool and end by 10.30 hopefully.
Tmr got school, till 2, still not bad uh, teacher will give break, but, i dont think i'll have cash to eat.
Take it as save money lorh.

I'll go search some songs, then i'll go eat and get ready for work.
Chaos!

Happy Mothers Day! (:

Untitled.

2011-04-30T11:08:00.003+08:00

Hello blog! (:
Today is Saturday, going to church today.
Feeling kinda okay today, not very tired which is good.
Big brother is back to the gaming at night sleep in the morning already, which i hate it alot. Super no life and i dont know whats so nice playing the whole freaking day man. -.-

I have nothing much to do, but there is project. So i just ill leave house and follow joyce to church then ill stay in church to study. I'll just go grab something to eat first then. Hope today will be a good day. Chaos! :D

I need to learn the longer way.
I need to accept and learn.

Untitled.

2011-04-30T01:22:00.003+08:00

it is a horrible feeling to wait,
it is a horrible feeling to think,
it is a horrible feeling to know.
Of the wrong thing at the wrong time and you know it.

I would say this and i think i said enough.

I will summarize my week now.
Nothing much of a interesting happened in school.
Just that mr jeykanth cam in to class and as us to talk about ourself.
Instead of talking about my ambition, i talked about my past relationship with my dad,
saying that last time i didnt have much of a support from daddy.
And cried, and i didnt talk much about myself.

But i didnt end off properly saying that now,
I see what my dad say in a better way,
meaning, the more he says about me the more he cares.

Well, i guess thats just my past.
I said it and get over and done with it.
I still have a lovely class who will back me up, i guess.

But oh well,
there is already a project which is on going already.
I should start thinking about it and Guides camp is coming soon.

I got in to the school team, dont know should be happy or not, but yeahh, i think im kinda happy about it. Although i dont think im at the top, but i am happy enough to be in the team. I think i need to get a racket for myself. I dont want to trouble Cordelia bringing a racket for me.

Still dont know which one to buy, but i dont have much cash myself too.
Daddy wont get one for me. But ill think of a way then.
Shall go and bath now.

Chaos.

Untitled.

2011-04-25T16:46:00.002+08:00

I am veryvery tired and plus, work tonight.
I have to be at the bus stop in half an hour time if i want to take a bus.
I should take a nap in the bus before starting work.
School tomorrow at 8am.

I think, if im not wrong, daddy is super unhappy that i carry on working and very reluctant to give me money now. Sigh.
I should stop work and start to be like a student soon.
Daddy's like giving me everything, i should also co operate with him.

Feeling super irritated now. But i cannot show.
Cuz why? I am nothing.
Now i must be fair same level with her. WOW. Not bad.

Now, i would want to work.
You always say things never go in your brain.
Im freaking tired and lazy to work. Eat Shit.

Untitled.

2011-04-25T00:42:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,
it has been kinda long since i didnt blog. Let me tell you how i feel, confused. Very confused. Currently im waiting for an answer, a answer which i hope it will be good. I feel so weird not being angry when im disappointed, sad, jealous etc.

But it kinda good be who you wanna be? i guess this is the most important thing i believe in. Im kinda cool being with waynn. Like we'll talk. h2h. We kinda promise each other to get tattoo together and im thinking of putting a bible version actually. i hope it will be awesome. (:

Im kinda thinking of getting baptised after i finish higher nitec and when all my bad habits stop. I believe God will make my day through smoothly everyday.

I am kinda having problems and thinking too much.
I think i need to meet su an and sharifah to talk to them.
I feel the new me but i dont know if it is gonna last.
But i kinda like it this way.

Tmr got class at 8 to 12 then come back sleep and go work in the evening.
Come home, if got time, blog, if not sleep. Next day no work! :D

Okay,should head to bed and get some rest. gotta wake up at 6 tmr.
NIGHTNIGHT! :D

Untitled.

2011-04-19T19:07:00.002+08:00

Hello Blog. Im currently waiting so im came to blog for awhile.
So school have been super slack, even i late 5-10 mins, they dont give a shit. Haha.
Tmr and thursday i have school till like 5 or 4? thats super horrible sia! -.-

But still can, me and mira loner's in school can layankan each other.
No need to be jealous, you have it too. (:

I called twice and messaged, no reply. But ill wait patiently.
Tmr school 8am to 5pm. God. -.-
Next day school plus work, even work.

Just had a call saying other days. So nope, im not meeting. (:
Im cool. Bye. (:

Untitled.

2011-04-15T00:17:00.002+08:00

Hello Blog, Im here to blog again.
Im kinda heading to sleep already, i think im charging up all the energy i used up in the 5 months. haha.

School is fine today, was like for lesson, i really cant trust 53 in the morning. I decided to take 81 to serangoon and take 1 stop to bishan. I will have bread everyday for breakfast and lunch. Should be enough for the day till dinner. (:

Tomorrow only have 2hour of lesson's on Environment Business.
For now i just hope that i have a group of friends to do Group Work with, i need to get that stupid 50% scored. Sigh.

School makes me so tired leh, i come back, nothing to do, i sleep. Until dinner time, then chill abit, surf the net then sleep. Super no life lehh, serious.
I haven't play kinect for the week and tmr im going bedok to work. Pfft.
It should be fine, just carry on smiling and chill. (:
Im just there to earn money and also, lerk thai, i dont know if i should work actually. I dont think it is cool to study and work at the same time, since daddy already giving me money?
But sigh, i dont know leh. If i have work every time, it will be horrible, super horrible. -.-

I should work so much right? Just abit money and concentrate on my studies. I need to return people money also lehh, i must remember that too. Although most of them never ask, its bad to owe. Not good uh. Plus the way i spend is very fast too.

So for now, just work, study and guides.
I have no time for other things, i must still regularly and chill.
The lesser i work, the more lazier i will get. Haiyo. BUCK UP.

Nothing just makes me strive in love.
I. think. i. kinda. need. you. in. my. life.
But you're busy.

Untitled.

2011-04-14T00:14:00.002+08:00

Hello blog, im here to blog before i sleep and go to school tmr.
Classmates have being getting better and better i guess?
Atleast there are more communications with the other people in my class. All like normalnormal already uh. Which is good right?

Then after school, went stright to ws and wanted to go interview, then was having headache, didnt meet mira too. So i couldnt take it and went home to sleep.
Took a nap and the feeling was awesome.

I realise ive been losing alot of weight, i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing. I ate normally but abit uh.
Tmr i want to take bus to school, then sleep in bus.
After that 12 go home lorh, what else correct anot.

At night have to go guide house to meet the ang moh, but i like lazy want to go sia, so tiring. -.-
See wednesday what time need to go school first then say, if not last minute back out also not good.

Today, i didnt message Joyce at all, i guess i was pretty much the irritating and think too much one. Haha.
Like, who needs me? something like that.
In ite, i somehow just dont expect much, i just want to study for 2 years in higher nitec, good grades go poly. thats it.

I think im going to poly in Joyce the batch. Okay lah, still not bad. Provided im capable to do it uh. (:

Kay lah, i dont know what to blog already.
But till now, i just dont feel right.
Okay, bye.

Untitled.

2011-04-12T23:54:00.002+08:00

Hello blog,
Sorry that i had no one to talk to, so i need to write it out.
Today i almost cried in Guides, why?
Super stress.

I guess i love Guides more than they love Guides.
I am just giving too much out. Sorry Everyone.
I will just take it easy and see how will things will go on.
I should stop doing too much.
Need help, come find me.
I dont think much people reads my blog regularly too.

School is super disastrous, really.
I dont know how lessons will be like, the classrooms are horrible and i have no friend.
Its bullshit you know. I dont know who i will end up with?
I need a good results and i need to have a good character.
I need to start sleeping early, sigh.

I wanted to talk to someone about Lerk Thai calling me.
But everyone that i could talk to is sleeping, if not, enjoying her own life. (:
I dont know how to face her actually.
I think i shouldnt and should stop, that should do it.
She will be wonderfully happy about it. I know that. I just know.

I should stop expecting, stop knowing, stop telling.
One day if it drives me nuts, ill just go IMH.
Awesome.

I should stop being sacarstic and start being low profile, starting for ITE and slowly be back on feet. I need to do it and have to do it. Life's tough but i'll just go on all the way.

And now, i dont know what i am doing.
I should stop and sleep.
I have school tmr, i am super tired.
I hope everything would just take it cool and move on.

Untitled.

2011-04-11T18:45:00.002+08:00

Today is the first day of school. I hate it.
Early in the morning, ahh, fresh awake.
Going school, so excited.
Went to school with Fadhlynn, Sabrina, Nasuha, Mary and Zul.
Went to eat breakfast, go school.
As soon as we step into the school, all of us were seperated.

Fadhlynn and Sabrina know so many people there, i knew none.
Then is okay, and my class? there is only 7 girls.
All of them all girly girl and from nitec, all knew each other, me?
Olevel student, shit.

Im in a new course, new expectations. Sigh.
Then met no friends, AT ALL. -.-
All of them mostly all friendfriend together already.
Only got one guy got talk abit, thats it. Sigh.
Then i dont want to be the extra one, so fuck it. I dont bother.

Mary, Nas, Lynn and Sab all got friend already.
Me? None.
All so happy and soon, everyone will not meet and go school together already, cuz school will start and that is horrible. Seriously.

If i dont have project work, its okay you know.
But i have and alot needs team work. So it will be horrible.
Feel so shitty when i go to school. So dreadful of going to school.
Tired, restless.
But i have to go to poly, thats like my aim and i have to do it, seriously.
Life's in such a mess already, thats the only thing that have to be my motivation.

Joyce moving on into her own life, im her church friend, get it over and done with.
Sigh.

I just hope that school will be better, seriously.
Thats it, period.

Byebye.

Untitled.

2011-04-06T02:40:00.002+08:00

Hey blog. (:
Yesterday night i slept at 4 or 5am?
Then i woke up at 12 by clement's call, so freaking tired. -.-
After that slacked with him, aaron and zubair.
After that went in to school, went for Guides.

Everytime i go Guides, i feel so motivated, now?
I somehow dont feel like going already.
Syahin didnt come Guides, sick. But not go home, go with guy.
Hope she wont do it again.
You? With mf very happy right?
I leave okay? I'll be alone, i dont mind.

Went to have dinner with my primary school friends.
I used to be so tall, some of them say that i was known for alot of friends.
Haha, i know right.
Went to Aston's, chilled, some left.
others left at 12 plus. Hope to have another outing again.

Tomorrow have 4E3 class dinner. Hope it'll be fun uh. (:

Landslide, Brick by brick, it is love. Everytime i hear it, i feel freaking down.
Ive been alone at home, if not sharifah and su an will come my house and play kinect and chill, sometimes.
I am friends with Mira already.

She is very sad in her love life, dont know how to comfort? just keep quiet.
Thats all and say whatever i could say.
And i told her how i felt, i miss her. Yes i do.

I spend almost 1years of bestfriend, 6 years of waiting, 4months of bestf, almost 3 months not friends, Now friends.
She changes alot, in a good way. (:

School is starting next week, how to ask daddy to give me allowance? freaking scared. sigh. I'll ask.

Life's the same. Goodbye.
Loner shit.

2011-04-01T03:42:00.000+08:00

Hello blog, im suppose to sleep because i have to like wake up at 10 am to be in school by 10.30am. I am super duper tired now, i need to sleep soon. But i feel like bathing now, so i really dont know.
How's life for me now? So far just slacky and meet up's with friend, nothing much i guess? Stayed at home and stuff.

Today I met Sharifah and Su An. Sharifah came to play kinect and we met su an for dinner at 18chef. Slacked and had fun uh. (: Actually wanted to leave then ended up chatting with su an till 12 then go home. Today is April's Fool.

I kinda miss mira, i should not label exbestf. I should not label any friends now, if not there will be like a expectation and things you would wish that they had done. Well, atleast she was the true friend that i was waiting for? Although things might not be better between me and her, but seriously, ive waiting 6 years, and cuz of thing wrong turns, everything turns too be so unhappy and not good. I dont like it at all. Sigh.

For my whole life, ive been around many people, but true friends, just friends. Friends which already had a clique and knew where they belonged, but me? I havent find somewhere that i could be in it. Rena has her clique, shikin has her 461, Waynn has ori, Su An has Sharifah, Dorothy and ShuYi. This is where they belong and in which they feel good in.
Cof? Its just a group that i would really fit in, maybe occasionally? Counted us has a group, but seriously, do we even hangout? maybe just some of them which will.

Me? Im just fitting in to where are they in the clique already. Its kinda suck for me, so sometimes, i just stay at home, do my own things. Daddy is there, but he just know the shell of me.

I made a wrong turn, yes i know. But i chose it, i bare with it. Now i just wish that i could get some allowance, study and move on with my life.
I need a stable job and i need to study real hard.

I need to quit smoking soon. As a sacrifice for my Father, and for everyone. And i have to do it. No matter what. Alright, goodbye.

Untitled.

2011-03-22T04:06:00.002+08:00

So here I am, at the lan shop still.
Used comp all the way till like now, im getting alittle sleepy, but i have to remember that i have some Guides things to do.
So i cant sleep until i get all those things done actually.

Things has been so relax, quiet and nothing.
Im not going to work and etc.
Just lazing at home, and i kinda like the feeling.

I think im going to ask my brother to help me get the job at the lan shop.
I guess thats the one way that i am going to earn money, i guess. Sigh.
As you grow older, all you hear and say is about moneymoney and money.
It sucks, seriously.

First i lost my job at cotton on for my huge mistake.
Then quit eatzi because im like a dog there, when they need me they call me.
That sucks.
How i wish recruit express call and give me a $6 or $9 per hour pay please.
It rocks so badly, haha.

But my body still have those rashes and its kinda bad.
I need to do something about it. Sigh. Alright, got to go.
Byebye.

Untitled.

2011-03-21T01:28:00.003+08:00

Hello, its been 2 weeks plus since i didnt blog, haha.
Should just roughly update my blog abit.

Went to Great Loyang Camp, enjoyed alot but still there are some unhappy moments but the most happiest thing which happened was tht the alumni's didnt quarrel with each other. Didnt really bond with the SC's cuz i have another camp to go to, which is Unit Helper camp.

I came back in the morning that day, woke up at 2 to pack my things, was late for UH camp. First four person i met was, Kareen, Wei Jing and Cheryl. They are super nice people and i had enjoyed my time with them for the 3days. (:
They went to had lunch but i didnt go as i have to work in the evening. Pei Xuan's parents send me home that day. (:

Through the UH camp, i learnt super alot of things and i guess im going to give it all back to Guides.
So just recently Gugu and family came to SG and Daddy bought Kinect for me. AWESOME OR WHAT?! :D

So spent time with them and registered in Bishan ITE already. Bought my uniform too.
Anyway, i am still thinking whether should i ask daddy for money, or should i work and spent myself. Sigh. Im still thinking actually, i hope God will give me an answer.

So far my life is good enough, just that Alice have not been giving me regular schedule, so i decided to quit. -.-
So going to find a new job, even mom is okay with it. So yah.

Havent been going much to church, and about joining evangelism team, i havent even make up my mind. I have YA, School and GG to think about. I do have to think about God too right. I have to stable myself of what am i doing before my school starts.

Sometimes things may upset you but all you have to do is stay cool and chill out. Alright, byebye. (:

Untitled.

2011-03-04T01:11:00.002+08:00

Hi blog,
this week, alice didnt gave me any work until sunday, just sunday only.
Is like wth? -.-
If she dont need me as a part timer, just tell me, i will quit you know. Sigh. -.-
Wait my time, seriously. -.-

But kinda relax alot this week, but must know how to save money uh.
Need to go 2 camp, both need to spend money.
Headache. -.-
Actually im kinda waiting to start school, haha.
Go bishan easy, student fare.

So far this week, meet izzah in the afternoon to lepak, night with ori and waynn for monopoly deal. Baik.
Now feeling kinda headache, dont know why.
Wednesday, i went to meet Ron, to talk about the business that i might be going in.
Then met Sue Ean and Kristie at some ulu ulu place to eat subway.
Talktalktalktalktalk. And knew some stuffs uh.
Then went home and sleep all the way, awesome stuff.

Stayed at home today, went out at night for awhile to meet waynn and ori.
tomorrow i going out with them to catch a movie, long time never go out with friends.
I might want to work at subway, since there is vacancy everywhere i go. haha.
But Recruit Express called me up for a two day's job. $9 per hour you know.
But its like at Saturday and Sunday.

If i dont have the NEA fine, i wont even want to go for the job. Pfft. -.-
I want to go to church on saturday and relax on a sunday.
Its like the two days to spend with my family and COF.
Work has to like, spoil it. Sigh.

And i am not going to church for nextnext week too! -.-
I have camp, Young Adult. It is so horrible. -.-
I forget to tell alice i have camps.
Its like so much of spending, so little of earning.
Nonsense.

Pluse school's going to start already.
If i dont earn enough, how to survive like that?
Mom also not working already, so jialat. -.-

Anyway, i should stop for now.
Going to bath, then watch the movie about christ, then sleep.
Hopefully tmr will be a good day.
Bye blog.

Untitled.

2011-02-25T23:44:00.002+08:00

I hate whats going on in life,
I feel like finding this kind soul to pay the 1k plus and i can lead a life with no one which will look down on me.
Fuck life cuz of money.
I swear.
I need to think of Christ and relax.
Amen.

Untitled.

2011-02-25T23:33:00.002+08:00

Feel unhappy, irritated, sad. Everything.

I hate this, i really hate this.
Everything is going a mess.
I thought everything will be solved.

Fuck this shit.

I dont want to go anywhere already.
Everything is feeling so tensed.
Thanks for telling Mdm Yasmin.

Have to go through the whole fucking thing again.
In the first place, dont even say that you want to help me pay.
Thats why i dont want to tell you.
Fucking bullshit.
I dont like it when you all do this.
Bullshit.

Everything also like that.
Then go tell mdm yasmin.
Argh.

Next time dont want to tell you all everything already. -.-
Hating now. -.-

Untitled.

2011-02-20T03:30:00.002+08:00

Im having such a big headache, feeling so pissed.
Spending all my money on things i dont need.
See joyce, have been constantly supporting me.
No doubt at all.

I need to do something about it.
I should be more happier to work.
I should be happy to serve.
I'll get more schedule and also lose weight, so why not right.
Life is unfair.

I just got scolded by Ms Rineal today too.
So what a day to start right.
So i guess, i only have one more month to work and etc.
I have to do it already.

My dear heavenly father, i know i didnt listened to you and now im doing it the hard way.
Sigh. Father please guide me through all this.
I hope things will definitely get better. Because i love you.
Amen.

Untitled.

2011-02-18T03:48:00.002+08:00

Hello blog,
here i am still not asleep yet.
Why? Because i cant.
But i think im sleeping soon.
I have to wake up before 12.30 tmr, to get ready to go school to help guides.
It kepts me thinking, what should i do to this Girl Guides.
This girls, some have potential some are not, i mean seriously.
I made them so bonded and its all being destroyed this year.
I heard of them complaining that people are toturing them, its bad.
Its so bad to see them like that.
I really want to make a change in guides, this year.

I hope things will be already but i still dont know.
Sigh.

Life has been work, guides, meeting joyce, izzah and then church.
I think the best time in my life now, is church, joyce and izzah.
I have to make things work for guides.
Make them do GUIDES things, and not other CCA things.
Its horrible. Sometimes people just say but they dont do it, its even more horrible. -.-

I'll think on the spot and i want them to tell me the truth.
Alright, enough of blogging then.
Byebye.

2011-02-16T04:19:00.001+08:00

love is such a sensitive word.
I lent itouch from Joyce and well,
ive downloaded the NIV version and started reading it, kinda dont understand abit,
should as sue ean about it.

I think im sleeping now, i wish to sleep early tmr.
Goodnight.

Untitled.

2011-02-15T16:25:00.002+08:00

Kristie helped found a job, and its super fast. Im serious.
I just applied for less than an hour ago and i received a call for a job.
I still dont know whether i should go and work there.
Pay is kinda okay, plus its only at night and kinda late hour.
Haha, its like a kind of my type.

But still dont know leh, i'll see how it goes.
Need to go work soon, sigh.
Hopefully everything will be okay.

Untitled.

2011-02-14T04:06:00.002+08:00

Hello blog,
once again im here to blog.
Im feeling kinda uphappy today.

Today i woke up, i went to mee Ketan at tampinese.
Followed him to simei too to get his watch for his sister.
After that, at work.
I was insulted by the chef for a mistake that i did.
I was so offended. I guess the next time, i should just keep quiet and work.
And nothing will happen.

I feel so unhappy when someone insults or scold me,
i tried to pray and my mouth will not thing of all the evil things.
And it did work for awhile, but not the whole period of time. sigh.
I should really just work and carry on.
Although i wont have much money, i know everyone will be by my side.

Ketan asked me about Jesus today.
I told him about it and i believe this is the first time i explained about Jesus to him.
He asked me why i didnt believe in Mother Mary.
I tried to explain in the best way as I can.
This is the first time i ever shared Jesus to anyone.
Kinda happy about it. (:

Today is Valentine's day,
who is my real valentine?

Workworkwork,
i dont want to just let one thing affect me and quit the job.
I'll just carry on with the work and find another work. I think i can luh huh.
I have no choice uh, have to chiong.
I dont want my parents to feed me forever. Sigh.

I miss going church.
I want to praise the lord and hear preaches.
Sigh.

Got to meet up with Mdm Chin soon.
To have lunch and chat.
I guess she has been the closest teacher im with.
Seriously.

Ahhh, sigh.
Okay byebye.

Untitled.

2011-02-13T05:37:00.002+08:00

I always wanted to blog how wonderful my week in Malaysia was.
But whenever i want to blog, its either i forget or i feel sleepy.
So i will just roughly say that, i really love my family.
Although there can be unhappy things which are happening here and there,
so? this are what i call, family.

Daddy have been so patience with me, so nice of him right?
I think as long as i dont do wrong thing, daddy will be all the way okay with me. (:
If i need anything, i must ask not take.
Mom just kinda lose her job, Kristie's helping me and her to get a new job.
Thanks Kristie. (:

After i came back, i met Pebble and Dorothy. Kinda happy to see them.
All i did was work, have dinner, go meet my popo.
2nd Uncle have been doing things making people unhappy. Sigh.
I think i need to do something about it uh. MUST.
Father, please forgive their sins and may there be peace within all of them.

Met Izzah get my daddy's present and slacked and stuff not long ago.
Met Ahmad for afew times recently. Kinda happy about it.

Today, went to church after 3 weeks of not going church.
So happy to see COF. (:
Today preaches about AGAPE.
I will never forget, We love because God first loved us.
Sometimes i do get super jealous what i do will never be better that my big brother,
sometimes my words my be super harsh on my younger brother.
But from this, i will learn.
I should spend more time and home,
Family and the most important things of all.

Before going church, i went to have dinner with the whole family and celebrated daddy's birthday. All those last minute plannings but well, atleast i still could see a smile on daddy's face. And im really contented.

Sometimes, i just want more, sometimes i just want to be selfish you know.
But i cant, because this is reality, i have to face it.
With COF, i really became a better person.
Being better is not enough, i must be improving all the time.

Daddy's birthday is on valentine's day.
Im going to work, so its kinda horrible. -.-
Atleast after work, going sing with work friends.
About 8 or 9 of them, awesome. (:

See, i should be contented with life.
I love my Heavenly Father. (:
May you help me through in everything i do.
Amen.

Untitled.

2011-01-29T05:50:00.000+08:00

I'll be leaving to catch a flight to msia for 6days.
I'll miss COF and you the most.
goodbye.

Untitled.

2011-01-27T03:38:00.002+08:00

I manage to got into a course in Bishan ITE, being happy about it when i wake up.
My mom was kinda unhappy in was as bishan ITE.
She want me to appeal to another school which is nearer.
But to know that actually many people are in bishan, it makes me got the mood to go Bishan leh.
But im going to appeal to Events Management, if cant then i'll just stick to what i have.

When i told him im in the school, he told me, "now that you learn, the road is not easy." yeah i know. See daddy still cares. I like abit reluctant to go ITE? I scared i dont do well and yeah, there is goes again.
By the time people graduate, im still in poly. Wth leh.
I dont know, i know im going to lose alot of friends but i cant give up.
I need to move and go.

I hope things goes on smoothly.
Money is killing my mom.
Im serious.
CNY coming, must smile and be happy. :D
like that.

Untitled.

2011-01-26T03:56:00.003+08:00

You know, being someone who will be 17 soon.
I dont know, i feel so tired of growing up.
Sometimes i just really regret my doings in life.
but some things just cant change you know.

Life, is has been so boring.
Work, sleep, work sleep.
Something that makes me happy in work, its Ketan.
I feel like starting work at Texas Chicken soon.
So that i can work there long hours and not go to Cotton On.
Sometimes i think that Cotton on make me earn easy money.
I need to start returning the remaining amounts that i owe poeple and start to not take money from parents.
Start from texas chicken.
After cny, im going to interview to work at texas chicken and thats it.

My life will revolve around God, Family, Joyce, COF, the Usually Us people (Su An, Sharifah, rena, waynn, etc) , Fatin, Izzah and Ayis.
Thats all the friends that i truely important to me. And leading Girl Guides.
Although i know that all those people are hopeless, i must not give them hopeless reactions.
I need to start planning and make life useful you know.
Rather than making life so dull.
Ive thought of earning my own money to study, but i dont think i am capable to do that.
Sigh. Bad uh. Kinda stress thinking what should i do in life.
I may have a different way, i just know that it will work out uh.

Today im getting my result whether im in a ITE or not.
I am kinda afraid but i hope i get something, if not.
We'll see how.
I need to go get abit shopping with my Mom and Joyce.
I'll be leaving on Saturday afternoon.

Cant go to church again. Sigh.
Alright, goodbye.

Untitled.

2011-01-24T15:39:00.001+08:00

i dont like it when i spoil peoples mood. sigh. -.-
Sorry Syahin and Jermaine.
Next time i wont ask her to meet me during school time.
Its yours. Sorry.

Today will just be the last then, sigh.

Untitled.

2011-01-22T06:04:00.003+08:00

Hello blog, im so sorry i have neglected you for almost a week yeah?
Everytime i want to blog, im just to tired, i just hope i could record in a oice and everything will be written down.
Its like 6.09am? yah.

So my life have been work yeah?
Monday night, Belle suggested to go Kbox after work,
Me, Belle, Eyla, Belle's Boyf and Ah Liang went.
Eyla left first and we went home around 3 plus?

Didnt sleep and went to meet Joyce in the morning for awhile.
After that went to Universal Studio and it was kinda enjoyable uh.
Took manymany pictures, it was Waynn's birthday.
So went to Ori, Jia Hong and him lorh.
The indoor roller coaster was shiok, plus the water world show which i got wet for not reason. haiyo.
But it was super tiring, serious because i didnt sleep.
Went home and slept straight away.

The next day, Wednesday, i was working and knew that alvin is leaving.
So most of our work people went to eat supper and bedok 85.
And went seperate ways after that.
Fatin and me took a cab home, was super tired.
I was having abit of voice break due to Universal Studio's rides, all the shoutings.

Thursday, went to meet Mdm Chin at Bedok Point to have Yoshinoya.
She seems so happy to see me, she proudly went to tell then order taker, "she is my student, she is the best student i ever teach"
She is very sweet, all that she those is from her heart.
But we talked halfway, we promised to meet up after cny.
At bedok point to try other things. (:
It was my younger brother's birthday,
so mum decided to go Sakae and we had a tea time buffet. (:
Joyce came and we ate.
After eating, i went to work.
By the end of the day, i was already feeling super sick.
I am feeling so heaty at my throw, headache, block nose and fever.
When home after work and slept straight away.
Didnt have strength to do other things.

Woke up, okay lah, not bad.
Not very sick already, abit of cough, flu.
Went to work and it was total mess, -.-
Partially cuz of me, cuz i dont know how to do much of bar.
I should try harder, i know. Sigh.
I need someone to help me mah, and i should learn to be cleaner and faster.
Just 4 hours and it killed me, so tiring! -.-
Went home and went out with Waynn, Su An, Sharifah and Moses.

Good to see them, excluding Waynn after so long.
Promised each other to meet up plus the others soon.
Went to eat dinner at haji lane and ate ice cream at the shop.
After that, went to shisha and its dilluted.
Sorry but, the mix fruit flavour made me puke, the flavour wasnt right. -.-
After that went home around 12plus by waynn's dad's taxi.
Puked and it was a sort of a relieve feelings.
Till now, i havent sleep yet, cuz i was still feeling uneasy.
Now i just ate abit of tibits, cuz i was getting hungry.
Going to church tomorrow. (:

Alright, Goodbye.

Untitled.

2011-01-15T03:26:00.002+08:00

Today i never get to see you, didnt really talked to you too.
You're unhappy, i wish to see you tmr.
Imissyou, are you okay?

You should be sleeping now.

Su An suddenly pop out and say, "did you realise you change alot."
Fucking funny.
She say i changed to worse.
I also think so but i trying to be back who am i suppose to be.
Trying to fit in is not always the good thing.

I have get over all of it, things would get better and God will be there for me.
(:

Untitled.

2011-01-14T14:46:00.002+08:00

Hey blog,
Today is the 14th.

JAE is over and now, everyone has sent in the course they want to.
I see more than 10 people people events management as their first few choices.
I hope i could get in to the choice that i want.

Daddy liked my post on facebook, the one saying i made up my mind and wrote down my choices.
Im somehow kind of happy that daddy liked it, but who knows, later is he accidentally press. haha.

Well, things between me and mira is unsettled but knowing she is carrying on in her life makes me feel just contented. I dont think i'll have a bestf ever again.
What is left between me and her, all those unsaid feelings, unwanted quarrels and last our happy moments will just stay as in it and we'll just move on with life.
Thanks for everything, you've been a good one.

I am still not accepted, but i will be trying my best.
I was told that i have to wait 2 years or maybe, in the first place, i shouldnt have choose to left.
Because of my actions before, i have to answer it now.
Slowly im receiving what i gave you.
But no matter what, i'll love you.

I hope i got in to the higher nitec course that i want, i hope things would get better and let me go straight to poly in less than a year.
I have to study hard for myself, my own future.

Im going to work today,
I have do the card and i never go work for a very long time already, hehe. :x
If i get critism by them, thats it.

Working as a stock taker, not bad uh.
But now im so lazy to work, just wish money fly from above.

Kay, i'll stop here.
Bye blog.

Untitled.

2011-01-11T03:20:00.000+08:00

I always didnt know the important things and the not important things to do in my life.
I always make mistakes which sometimes just hurt people like mad.
Aichia, Mira left. Whose next?

Doesnt this look like a big mistake already?
Things happen for a reason, but for this i could say mostly it is my fault.
Because if i didnt make things to happen, it will not be my fault.

I am always expecting things to happen but now,
i cannot afford to make a wrong move because i made a big mistake already.

Living in Christ made me think alot and make me feel that atleast theres something for me to rely on. Its like a life long friend you can find anytime? I guess?

I guess ive stop hoping and praying waiting for my bestf to be back with me as a friend. Whatever will be will be, the future is not ours to see.
So all i have to do is just live on.
Even if i have no friends to rely on,
i know i have my family and God and COF to rely on.

Er gugu have teached me a valuable lesson when she came to SG.
She always tells me logical grow up things.
I have no time to slackslack everyday.

I will decide everything by Wed.
I hope and pray i wont regret.
I dont want to think here and there anymore.
I will just carry on working till something pops in my mind or etc.

Although life isnt getting,
i make sure i am living life happily.

For now, i am happy.
I need to build up my confidence again, i need to do it.
This time, everything is set.

Should sleep soon, goodnight.

Untitled.

2011-01-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

In a few hours i am taking my results.
Make my parents proud or not?
we'll see from there then, theres nothing much we could do already.

Untitled.

2011-01-03T02:05:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,
today is the 3rd day of 2010 already.
Life has been still fine.
Results are coming out soon.
But oh well, i have this feeling that everyone can look down on me, so yah.
It doesnt matter to me already.

I am just happy that i could go to some where i want to, if not, im going to just find a way out or etc.
Going to relax for a day, hope i would i enjoy myself just for a day.

Daddy told me if i want to go, i must remember to wake up tmr.
I think i will get some sleep after i do a cover of three cheers for five years or candles.
If my bestf were to watch it, i guess i would have to say that, thats for her.

Happy to meet izzah for awhile.
Things didnt went the correct way when i went tamp.
But its okay, hope it will be okay. sigh.

courage, build in me.

Untitled.

2011-01-02T09:25:00.002+08:00

Good Morning blog,
im starting to get tired, i hope i wont be later when im working.
Happy to be able to work till 4 only.
After i come back, sleep. Kidding.

you know, on a random thought.
Things have change so much for my 15, 16 years of age.
I hope things will stable down when i am 17 this year.
I am so numb towards people which have characters which are not good.
Even if i know it is wrong and i have the right to be angry,
all i will ever do is quite.
Even if im sad, disappointted or whatever.
Thats why i get so unexpected.

I usually twit alot and facebook alot,
but now everything is just like nothing to me.
Not much of a difference actually.

This may be not of a good year, but i believe thigns will get better.
No matter what, i must have faith and God will definitely be there for me.
As for now, i could be feeling alone, or empty inside,
i still have to struggle through and make it a good start.

Alright, i would end here.
Goodbye.

Untitled.

2010-12-30T02:47:00.004+08:00

Hi blog,
it has been such a long time since ive been blogging yeah?
You know alot of people think that im stupid. but haha.
some kind souls will just come to me and tell me something.
im posting how i feel here, if you're unhappy you can you know, just go on with life. (:
This blog is not to please people, is to let out what i feel.

and you know, some people do know that i appreciate friends.
some dont but will soon find out.

now, i just want to be normal friends with my bestf not close or what.
just normal like how it used to be.

its hard to get a girl who is 70% over you you kknow,
just try harder yeah.

i want to see how fucking far can you lie.
we are no people which you can fuck around with okay.
suck yourself ass.

at the end of the day, when i blow up, you'll regret.
okay bye blog.

Im happy that God hold me back,
ilY.

Untitled.

2010-12-26T04:19:00.002+08:00

Hello blog.
Its so late already uh.
And guess what,
ive decided to stop thinking much about it.
Cuz, it seems that my lovely bestf is well, enjoying her life i guess.
Im going to send her a sms on new year's eve.
And thats all.

Bestf is important, but holding on will not go anywhere.
So, if things will be better, it will be.
Just let things go and learn and grow.

So I went to church, took a nap after that and went to work.
I was talking to belle so loudly that i saw eyla and i was saying what eyla told me about belle.
Wth, -.-
Maybe she was suppose to know that belle knew about it.
God wants me to tell her off maybe?
I dont know, but im working tmr.
So yah, i hope nothing goes wrong.
if i know of just one thing she say about me, thats it.
its the end for her.
So i chatted with belle for awhile.

headed back to pasir ris and met waynn and ori.
homed at 2.

going to ask the big question tmr.
hope it works.
and as for eyla, i'll think about it.
Mabe not working tmr, im tired.
i want to spend time with COF leh.
See how it goes then.

Goodbye.

although ive lost you,
you made me cherish my friends more.
you made me realise how understanding are they and how much theyy understands me.
i should thank you for that.and may you enjoy your life.
the end,

Untitled.

2010-12-25T00:34:00.002+08:00

Fucking idiot.

Worked 10 hours today.
Dont know what to say.

Er, work was okay? yah.
Nothing much,
Just super busy and super tired.

Chatted with Fatin after work.
Going meet Waynn and co later.
Although we cant celebrate christmas, meet up also okay lorh.
Working in the night tmr.
Tired but shiok.

Dinner today was just salad. -.-
LEARN and GROW.
Kay, bye.

You dont fucking test my patience.
Fucking world kia.
What kind of friend are you?
I thought its over between us?
Trying to act?
Fuck you. -.-

Untitled.

2010-12-24T03:50:00.003+08:00

It looks like my bestf is carrying on with life like nothing happened.
LOOKS uh, but actual life, i dont know.
Well, i do daily checks on her twit. i sound like a stalker.
But seriously, im very used to looking at her twits.

She deleted everything of me off her life, so should i just go MIA from her.
I should stop and carry on with this life.
Like what i said, 6 months ago.
But maybe another 6 years of waiting, things will be better?

Maybe my post are just too emotional and bloody fake,
maybe i should stop.
I miss talking to my bestf.
BUT i should not say anything else, JUST IN CASE.

She should be busy spending her time with people who appreciates her.
Not like me, i know.

Was not suppose to work today, but yah.
Worked and met sharifah, woo hoo.
My Mother Teresa, good to share things with her.
But i didnt say bad things.
Sigh.

Went home at a super fast bus 12.
So today is christmas eve, its shikin's birthday.
Suppose to go her bbq, too bad i got work, but split shift.
4 to 6 must find something to do.

Im kinda scared of my work place.
But i will just concentrate on what i should do.

Hopefully i can meet the people ive not met for a long time.
Including Rena, so hard to contact her recently.

Okay then,
just another usual normal day.
I just dont believe it.
Sigh, goodbye.

Untitled.

2010-12-23T02:19:00.002+08:00

Super tired.
Nice to talk to sharifah and su an today.
Anyway, i appreciated friends, why not.
I dont show so feel it yourself.

Anyway, what i thought about is,
i may be a fucking bad friend, but i can be super nice.
Seriously, live with it, or byebye.

Nice to work with belle and alvin.
Met eyla first, for awhile. Hope to work tmr actually.

Need to go school tmr, at 8am. -.-
Goodnight.

Im not okay yet.

Untitled.

2010-12-22T14:15:00.004+08:00

Hey blog,
my bestf deleted me from everywhere.
She will have no place to see my face.
Maybe soon she will change her profile pic soon.

One funny thing,
i dont have the heart to do it,
when i said i was the one who want to officially end this.
Then i stupidly put my FB back to her face and mine.
Then i stupidly still have her face on my phone.
Then i stupidly still save her number.

My fault lorh, i know.
My bill is going to be so low, super low.
Anyway, what a time of the year to start a day uh.
hahahahaha...

I guess she is like Aichia, just that aijia dont show she care and she just pin the point straight.
Till now, although we are not in talking terms, if she see's it, she will be saying, "serve you right".
Confirm 100%.

Okay, i think i blog very long.
Today is eat tangyuan day.
Today is working day.
Everyday will be a bad day without my bestf around.
Fuck it, but im happy to know she is happy.

This will be my last poem to her,

Our friendship is as close as closest sisters,
Two flutes with a single melody,
Interchanging runs through changing vistas,
Notes like birds alighting on a tree.
To some, friends are like books upon a shelf;

Yet you to me are like another self.
This music will not stop for other misters,
Nor will it pause for princes, real or elf.
However life may wend, we will be we.

now everything looks fake, im a faker.

Everyone has feelings,
being how happy they show on the outside,
on the inside, they are so fucking unhappy, in deep thoughts.
People always say, you dont tell we wont know.
But even if you ask, when you are feeling horrible already,
what makes you think that i will say?
i would rather i keep it to myself, after i cool down i will tell you if not, let this be over.

I may be fucking sensitive and super easy to be jealous.
But at the end of the the, im still cheerful.
I will show you that i am sensitive and jealous because i believe that you will be there to make things work for me.
But instead, what is all this?

Bestf holds responsibility, if you think that i appreciate friends, teach me how to.
God made us have friend and to appreciate.
Maybe God wants you to be there to teach me how to apprieciate?
If you know, i dont know okay.
You tell me i know but i never learn you teach me uh.
In life, if we weigh how much we give each other, everyone will think that they have not enough.
Logic is all in my head, but i became stupid, because someone once told me, act blur live longer.
I tried to be straightforward, someone which is not me, in the end, instead of pleasing my bestf, it went the other way round.

Im wrong no one teaches me, i fall i must get back up.
I dont think things will be okay anytime soon,
but no matter what my bestf will always be my bestf,
i can wait for this long, why will i ever give up?

I blog alot, she doesnt see's it.
If not she will see my riduculous nonsense post.
hahas.
Bye blog, =\

You know what is stopping me from being boyish and being a girl.
You know what is stopping me from being with her, is cuz i want to fully have my time with you.
But in the end, i guess everything is too late, i think this may sound drama, but im so serious.
Now you can carry on with your love life without your bestf being jealous, oh wait, we are not bestf.
Yes. Sigh.
You'll be my bestf forever and always.
Sound fake? we try.

I dont think i can quit smoking anytime soon. hahas.
shit man. goodbye.

Untitled.

2010-12-22T02:39:00.002+08:00

When you realise something, its often too late.
When you already know it, you just want someone to tell you again, to know that actually the person cared. You know that kind of feeling?
Haha.

Its good to hear my bestf calling me, but not good to hear her saying to me.
But its good she let out her things, i missed my chance of explaining.
So anyway, it doesnt matter anymore. (:

Yah, i must listen to what my bestf told me in less that 10 mins.
Cuz thats the last thing that she said, and the last thing that i will listen from her voice.
So yes blog, 9Aug 2010 to 22Dec 2010. Everything has officially ended.
Kinda cool to know that my bestf can actually tolerate me. hahas.
Who can tolerate me?

Even the day of christmas, even if i die, no one will know.
CHEYCHEY! sounds so dramatic. I KNOW RIGHT.
But yeah, its kind of a big thing to me. SERIOUSLY. -.-

She said God let us have friends for a reason and i have to appreciate.
Haha, yeahh. I should SHOW THAT I REALLY APPRECIATE THEM.
must learn.

I lost my friend, cuz of me meh? me? okay.
I lost my bestest friend.
Not bad.

Best friend is like my family member already.
Its there means its there.
It will never be the same. Yah.
Kay, i should stop saying that uh.
Its over, i want it that way want leh.

Kay, so life is normal, peaceful.
I am starting back my fuck up life,
smoke, drink, short hair, like girls.
Soon, but not sure when.
Maybe next week uh, before 31st dec.
Okay uh, byebye. (:

Im doing it for me,
i dont blame anyone but me. (:

Untitled.

2010-12-22T01:10:00.002+08:00

The post is in drafts now, so.
I went to work, jie ling fucked me up, felt super horrible.
But glad things went smoothly.

End work kinda late, sit down for awhile alone.
Decided to take mrt home.
Was hearing Mary Jane and going into deep thoughts,
Waynn appeared infront of me.
Nice to see him and JiaHong.

Wanted to wait for Ori but she was so late.
So decided to go home.

Going to play L4D2 later, if can.
Hope i dont cough blood again.
Not good, dont know how long will this go.

Alright, goodbye.

Its okay things wont change.
I dont want you to show sympathy to me.
Mary Jane will keep repeating in my head till im over you.
But i dont think you'll be off my head.
But i will get used to the alone part.
Im sorry, but i dont think you'll accept it.
Yes, i assumed.
Alright, bye bestf.

Untitled.

2010-12-21T09:06:00.002+08:00

I feel not motivated at all already. haha.
"what for get irritated or disappointed? You're nothing to me. This shouldn't make an impact at all. Best of all, you want it that way. =)"
this is what she twitted to me, plus another one.

Yeah, im nothing and shouldnt make an impact,
if you lazy want to talk to me, then dont twit to me lorh, since waste time. Correct?
I believe you got better things to do.

Im back home and this is the first thing i saw,
its okay, i should go and eat something then leave the house.
Interview and work, goodbye.

plane tickets are bought,
bungalow is booked.

yeah, you should be feeling hurt now, cuz i do.
i still love you and want things to get better.
Maybe that will sound fake to you.
Your reaction is just like my reaction when you said that.
You can simply just let go of what you say cuz i didnt emphasize it.
And you? i dont know.
Whats there to say so much?
I still bothered to ask my mom if you can come, stupid me. -.-

Untitled.

2010-12-20T19:40:00.002+08:00

The song Mary Jane, keeps repeating on my mind was i was inside.
As i was slowly asleep, i thought alot.
Its good to see your primary school friends and your school mates.
I miss school, miss cca and definitely you.

She is coming back soon,
So how things will go? Im not sure myself either.
I need to wake up from the state of mind.
Stop dreaming and do what you said,
please dont be childish and dont do things that you said.
Just be a huge nonsense. (:

I have tonight to rest and tmr,
i have interview and work.
Keeping myself busy.
Get use to being alone.
Cool shit.

Goodbye bloggy.

Untitled.

2010-12-20T00:35:00.001+08:00

I didnt cry the way you move away,
didnt think that i would feel this way,
until i saw your picture on my screen.

Hey blog,
im starting to get alittle stress with my work, my surroundings, my life.
I hate money, but without money, no one can survive.
Its kinda fuck up.
I need a fucking full time job, -.-
I fucking need it.

I spend so much everytime i had the chance to spend.
Its so bad, its so so bad.
And there, others dont have to care about money,
but i fucking need to.

I fucking dont like it when things pop out suddenly. -.-
I have to do it, this shit thing, -.-
Argh, fuck it.

I'll just make sure im so busy every single day,
that i meet no one so that i wont have to make trouble.
Fuck it.

Sorry blog for say vulgars.
I just need to rant.
I should rest, tmr morning is very important to me.
Goodbye.

Untitled.

2010-12-19T11:50:00.003+08:00

Few days i didnt sleep well, had sore eyes, was not feeling very well.
yesterday i sleep around 11.30pm and work up around 11, but shiok abit.

Im happy that the video is completed. (:
So im left with Guides things to do and yah..
I kinda miss someone, yah.
But the name dont need to be said uh, (:

Didnt regret not going work and go service.
Service so kinda okay uh, not bad.
Went around wishing people Merry Christmas.
Im going to somewhere today and will be back tmr night or tuesday morning.

Waiting for my parents to come back and give me food.
Okay, goodbye bloggy.

Untitled.

2010-12-16T23:59:00.002+08:00

Everyone has a friend, which they are close to.
Be it close or not, still.
Things go wrong but it will be okay.

Today, i felt super, duper tired.
My eyes are all dried up. -.-
After blogging, im going to sleep actually.

Didnt went anywhere today,
just slacked awhile, bought dinner for mom and jiajie.

Tomorrow I'll meet COF people at 10am. -.-
After planning, rush to Courts for interview and after that rush to work.
Its a friday, my brother is coming back.
I guess thats about it.

In life,
i let alot down, but atleast part and partial of life, i did enjoyed it.

Bye blog, see you tmr. (:

Untitled.

2010-12-16T06:26:00.002+08:00

Hey blog, i am very tired now.
Currently it is 6.27am and its going to be bright early in the morning soon.
So, I know i have hurt mira's feeling on every of my post recently.
But dont worry, i wont do it anymore.

Things went the wrong way, but i made the decision, i will go through it myself.
Things will get better but not in my way.

Today, my mom was mad at me, for knowing that i was caught by NEA for littering.
And mommy asked me if i smoke, i said to her, yes, for a period of time i did.
She was so sad and now i have to find a way to get $300 to pay for my fine, for my mistake.

Woke up, helped my mom carry things out, went out to meet Kanishk, met izzah for awhile and off to work.
Worked till 3am today. My boss asked me if my friend is still coming to join us when it starts during January, i said i dont know.
Later i have no plans but to go interview at Courts with Fatin.
After which, i will maybe slack or stay at home.

Due date for smash is coming, but what am i doing?
I should help my cell do it later.
But i think i need the Macbook in daddy's room.

Today, i lost a friend, his name is Ferra.
Some people say he is a bad guy, some people say he is nice.
Everyone has their own character of "world" and bad points.
He used to be very close to me, i thought i knew alot about him.
But sadly, i didnt. Lets say, not even a single thing.
I respect him, for what he respects me.
He may lie to me, as long as i dont know, its okay.
But till then, there is nothing much to say already.
So the end, till then,
friend.
So i lost a friend and yah, some will be happy about it.

Fair enough, atleast Fatin understands abit of my situation now.
Thanks for your ears.

I dont know why did i type so much actually, kinda weird.
Maybe cuz i didnt talk much today.
Alright, i should stop for now.
Goodbye.

what hurts the most, was being so close.
I just want to hear things from you and not..
maybe now, its just too late.
You dont need my love anymore,
just go and enjoy your life.
Nothings going to change this childish thing that ive done.
No one's going to leave you already, after my childish act. (:
goodbye my most beloved bestf.

Untitled.

2010-12-15T05:22:00.001+08:00

I lost a bestf today. She said i was immatured to do that.
Im everything which she does not want.
everyone pleases her except me.

when i care, she said, "if he really hold my hand then? nothing what."
so i stopped caring.
when i voice out, she said, "sha'irah told me i need to keep my opinions to myself."
when i keep telling her i am jealous, she think that im cute and it was a joke.
I am selfish and i want her only to me.
But nono, love is what she need.
She can leave without me, but not a guy.

When i heard from him that, when he asked you to go for a movie with me since he cant go and you said, "no i just want to go out and have a date with you again".
You know when i heard that, how deeply hurt am i? (:

So here i am crying my hearts out but no one care's, you know why?
Cuz actually my bestf is the only person who cared the most for me.
No one knows whats going on with my life cuz they all thinks that my life revolves around my bestf.
But not anymore, its okay if no one will be closed to be.

You have feelings, i know you need love, you need care and everything. If you think that i only care about my feelings, dont worry, this is the last. (:

My bestf was the best. Who is her next bestf, that person is so fortunate.
I love her alot and i dont want anyone to hurt her.
I leave her because, i cared and whined too much.
I controlled her too much, its my fault.

Goodbye my dearest bestf. (:
You think that its childish?
Dont worry, this will be the last. (:

From tmr, i'll start smoking all over again.
My bestf hates it, she will hate me. hehe.

Untitled.

2010-12-15T03:17:00.002+08:00

I dont want my opinions to affect anyone.
From today, i wont say anything, i will keep my mouth all shut and all to myself.
Im a loser, just go ahead and brainwash me easily. (:
Goodbye blog.

Untitled.

2010-12-14T03:08:00.000+08:00

Actually, im unhappy cuz of my report. Bad health.
And also, i dont like to say ABIT of my feels and thing positive, i will end up crying.
Sad like fuck. ):

I didnt get my eagles award for 2 years already.
As a leader, it means alot to me. But still, :(
Its okay.

I should cheer up, watch glee.
byebye.

Untitled.

2010-12-13T02:21:00.000+08:00

Things were fine today. Just ups and downs.
I havent read my report.
I havent talked to my moma.
Okay, goodnight. Byebye.

Untitled.

2010-12-12T02:45:00.002+08:00

When you love that someone dearly, just say that you really love them okay.
When you miss that someone dearly, just say that you really miss them, before it is really too late.
To think about it, if i say it after you tell me, wont it be so fake?

This time, i think i really made her upset, at the wrong time.
Sha'irah needs to be back, to talk to her and give her love.
I cant do as much as what she did. I know that.
But as a bestf, i have to do it actually but nah, i scared.
(everything also scared, what a loser.)

I'm busy but when im free, i want to message my bestf but i scared she is busy, i scared she angry again. I dont like.
But now, i shouldn't worry cuz, there is him who will say her bad points then she will know then might change then got sha'irah to control the mouth and wait till she got someone to talk to.
But till now, everything okay? yah. (:

Actually, i have plenty of things to do.
Girl Guides planning, Cell Video, Work. And most importantly, i have to have time for my bestf, diedie must. I will do everything over night and no one will know, dont worry.
Fast and furious. (:

Okay, i should sleep.
Goodnight.

Dear heavenly Father,
it is going to be the end of 2010, i pray that my bestf, mira will hear upon Your word and hope kanishk would come to church as well for the outreach on 26th November. I pray that everything which happen just half an hour or so ago can be resolved and please to tell my bestf how much i love and care for her. Dear lord, i hope you will give me the knowledge and do everything that i am suppose to do on time. Thanks lord, i love You. Amen.

Untitled.

2010-12-10T01:33:00.003+08:00

Dear blog,
Please dont worry i didnt forget you.
Let me blog about today okay.

Today i woke up having a bad flu and cough.
Kanishk, my bestf, Naveen, Bervyn and Ying Jie made a mini BBQ for me. hehe.
Very happy to see them all the time. (:

Then just one person had to spoil the joy.
I dont get what is he trying to do. But still, i meet him not cuz i want to meet him, i meet him to meet other people. hehe. If he didnt scold my bestf and be a hypocrite, things would be better.

I sort of said something to my bestf making my bestf angry but things was sort of okay after i explain it. I would rather explaining it and make things okay than leave it like that let people cheer her up. Bad and not good. Bestf is different, it hold responsibilities and many love and care.

But no matter what, im seeing things in a bigger way, more open and more positive minded after what jessy have told me. If i continue being so sensitive, things will never be better. Everything she has done is appreciated. (:

My daddy bought me and my younger brother a new ?slipper?sandal? i dont know how to say that. We have the same colour and daddy's bestf bought me 2 ben and jerry. hehe. (:
Going to eat my yoghurt soon.

I told my bestf im sleeping at 10 and now, its going to be 2. Baik. -.-
Well, if my bestf is having so much trust in me, i should not let her down.
Sometimes your life is much more important than the things you want.

Okay, the bear is what my bestf gave to me, CUTE RIGHT?!
i will not hurt the bear or even her. nonono.
Goodnight, sweet dreams. (:

Untitled.

2010-12-09T01:12:00.003+08:00

Jessy told me logic's of what bestf's are.
I know it may be too late for me to do anything, atleast ive learnt something.
Tomorrow will i still meet her?
Will everything be really okay tmr?

I scared, veryvery scared.
I dont know what to do.
There are many things coming up.

Aiyo headache, sigh.
Okay, i should get going. bye.

Jessy told me it takes THREE YEARS just to let her bestf know that she truely cared. Ohmy.
I think im nothing compared to jessy.

Untitled.

2010-12-08T14:29:00.002+08:00

Hello blog, today i will blog you and private you.
Im feeling kinda clueless right now.
But i must maintain with a smile. (:

I cant say to anyone, cuz my feelings are fuckup.
BUT, my bestf is following my character, keeping all the comments to herself.
So up to you, i cant force it out right?
So i have to now, keep every of my comments to myself so that i dont offend anyone. (:

If one day, i dont have my slacking friends, i dont mind its okay.
I'll just stand alone instead of being thick skin.
I could never forget that my bestf say, "if you continue to believe and tell him things, i will not trust you or tell you things anymore. "
Suck right? Imagine your bestf say this to you.

But anyway, anyone who wants to leave, please tell me and say bye to me first okay. (:
I will be prepared already. (:

Now im actually not the middle person already, i like. (:
I dont have to know it, because MAYBE my bestf thinks that i will be jealous, angry etc.
I am not making assumption's but just maybe. (:

Jealousy, anger and sadness is a feeling, feeling CAN be stopped but in the end, you will just learn to compress all your feelings and nothing will happen.
And my bestf bet with me that if she lose 5kg first, i must stop all this.
You know what, i will just let her win.
Since thinking too much is not a good thing.
So forget it. (:

Today, im meeting clement, aaron and one of my friend which lied to my bestf.
I meet them cuz they are my classmates and i once cherish them alot.
Those who want to just me by them, go ahead.
Because so far clement and aaron have never failed me before.

And most of the time, my bestf will get irritated with my not happy tone when she is saying about him, haha. Sorry kay, i will try my best to stay okay in the near future if you talk about him. (:

I kinda regret bringing this lepak friends to my bestf.
But at the same time, i should have brought.
I dont know if my bestf will get a chance to see my super damn awesome friends cuz maybe this situation makes people unhappy. :x

Okay, i think i wrote alot and clement is waiting for me. hehe.
Kay byebye. (:

Untitled.

2010-12-08T01:09:00.001+08:00

You left me totally out of words.
I dont know what to say.

Im learning to be straight forward, and now you're changing towards me to become less of the opinion cuz you dont want to fight with me.
You dote me too much, somethings you should just say it straight to my face. (:

2010 is near of ending, 2011 is coming, will it be a good one?
Say is straight, i know things are going to happen and my opinion always kills.
Sorry blog, but seriously, FUCK my mouth and brain. (:

She understands you and knows more of your feelings, and i dont understand a single thing, why?
Because there is this fear between us, or maybe me only.
Scared to voice out cuz of my reaction?
Dont worry, you are not the first one.
People who used to be close to me says that too, in the end all left.

Im not stupid, somethings i just want to be.
So that nobody knows who i really am, because the real me, is fuck up (:

Sorry blog, i have no one to tell me.
Currently my mind is blank, i dont feel like slacking and dont feel like doing anything.
But still, i have to smile, because i still got thursday to go through. (:

GoodBye blog. (:

2010-12-07T17:03:00.002+08:00

Dear blog, i feel so horrible now.
Im very suay today you know?
NEA came to me, caught littering.

Work so busy, left wrist damn pain.
The aunty there told me if i dont keep rubbing it, it will get worse and it can last up to 6months. -.-
Im so tired, i just dont feel like doing anything.
Damn it.

I love God, relax and chill.